tamponblog

Greatest. Applicator. Ever.

2006-08-04T15:12:00.000-04:00

Over at Tampon Crafts, they have created the most amazing thing.
Okay, I'll ruin the surprise: It's a Tampon Shooter.
Now With Bandolier!!

Die, Already.

2006-06-25T22:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was driving behind a fairly nice looking automobile. But I spotted a bumper sticker and suddenly it didn’t seem so nice anymore.

“Don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

Well, I have heard this joke before, usually amongst women talking about “anything” as being the period itself, not a woman in her entire glory. Usually it is phrased as a question, “What bleeds for five days and doesn’t die?” with no mention of trustworthiness. As distasteful as it might be, it is about a bodily function, not the gender itself.

But next to the text on this sticker was a buxom silhouette.

Clearly, the message was “Don’t trust women.”

As I pondered this, a hairy arm reached out to tap a cigarette.

I read the second bumper sticker, “Give U.S. jobs to U.S. Citizens!” it read. Huh. But do you value the tobacco farmers?

The cars with multiple bumper stickers don’t usually set me off. I figure they have every type for every thought, and why bother getting offended because of one particular message in the sea of many? Besides, if someone is going to trash their car with messages, then that person isn’t particularly someone I am trying to impress.

But this car was fairly nice.

And the two messages this driver had chosen were xenophobic and misogynistic.

Oh well, I guess he isn’t the type of guy with whom I’d want to socialize. But I admit that I thought about his bumper sticker for awhile. I don’t want to get into a huge rant about objectification of women and all that, but I hate being portrayed on a mud-flap, or next to words that make fun of the unfortunate-to-deal-with, yet extremely-useful-for-producing-children aspect of our cycles.

I know a few women who wish they could bleed for five days so that they could eventually become pregnant. Inconvenient? Yes. But something about which to mock? No.

Similarly, another blog for which I write was recently linked to by a group of male women-peeing-in-their-pants enthusiasts. I wondered why my daily hits were suddenly elevated by 700%.

To their credit (?) one of the posters wrote something about not wanting to offend me by linking to my blog. He warned the group members to not email me offending messages privately. (Thankfully, I have a spam filter.)

I had written a post in which I revealed that I hadn’t made it to the restroom in time that day. Twice. The post was meant to convey desperation and also the “huh-I-gave-birth-so-I-can’t-hold-it-anymore” reality of having children. Of course I didn’t write it thinking men would masturbate to it.

Like menses, loss of bladder function is a non-glamorous aspect of what is supposed to be the beautiful sex.

Rather than rant on either on the women-wetting-their-pants website or on my own blog, I simply removed the post.

But, their sudden interest certainly got me thinking. I imagine that anything out there can be considered a turn-on or offensive, or special or what-have-you. I suppose men can mock periods, or the unfortunate accidents that happen with a weakened bladder. But, I can’t pee in a jar like those men, nor can I go tampon-free all month, so it feels like an unfair “fight.”

Not be trusted because my body is working properly? Or be idolized because it isn’t?

Now that is something to think about.

A Regular Post

2006-05-04T07:51:00.000-04:00

I want to share my excitement with the internet. For the past few weeks, I've been taking one Metamucil pill a day, and holy carp*, it is so awesome. I am so amazingly regular. I didn't know it could be like this. Everyone should have it this good. Tell your friends.

*the fish

More on cell phones & marketing to women

2005-12-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

I just saw two back-to-back commercials:

The first had a young, sexy guy waking up a laundromat owner in the middle of the night, so he could get his sexy, perfectly-fitting jeans, which slip on like a dream. Of course, the woman doesn't mind being woken up, because he's just so cute in those jeans.

The TV went immediately to a young woman with a perfect figure grunting and gasping as she struggles to pull on jeans. Then she has to choose between two cell phones, and she picks a pink one, which easily slips into her back pocket. The tag line says "Here more phone fits in less space." Levis sells jeans that make men irresistable, and Motorola had to make a phone extra tiny to fit in the teensy tiny jeans even skinny women have to torture themselves into.

Gzeesh. The sad thing is, I probably wouldn't have even noticed that there's something wrong here if the commercials hadn't happened to play back-to-back.

More on Rape...

2005-12-06T22:42:00.000-05:00

I just read the following post from a woman, Zube Girl, who was raped, impregnated, and then had an abortion. As unluck would have it, she is now trying to conceive a child by her husband, but has suffered several miscarriages. That is something peripheral to the story, however heartbreaking.

The meat and bones of her post Sunday is a heartfelt defense of being pro-Choice. Before the rape and termination of the resulting pregnancy, she had been pro-Life. (She even once said "I think it would be healing for a survivor of rape to give birth to the resulting child." Such irony, she points out.) It has often been said that the most convincing arguments come from those who used to be on the other "side."

Of course, I wish there weren't "sides" but instead an understanding that some women may CHOOSE to have an abortion while some women may CHOOSE to raise the child resulting from an unintended pregnancy. Some may view abortion as being immoral, some may not, but that it remains legal. I wish that people weren't killed by those who believe in "life" or that those undergoing a procedure wouldn't be heckled.

(One friend of mine had a late stage miscarriage and had to have a D&C to remove the already-deceased fetus. One of the medical assistants gave her the cold shoulder and at one point made some snide remark about hoping she was happy. Clearly, said assistant didn't realize the procedure was cleaning up an incomplete miscarriage, but even so, such a remark was out of line.)

I am tired of people who say they are of a religious persuasion that practices "love" to be showing so much "hate" to those who have made difficult choices with regard to their reproductive organs. Some of those choices have been necessitated by health of the mother or child, by poverty, or in the case of Zube Girl, by rape. These aren't choices being made lightly, and to complicate matters by damning them is disgraceful.

Zube Girl does a great job of addressing some misconceptions about proposed compromises such as limiting abortion's legality to victims of rape (how to prove the rape before the child is born in our innocent-until-proven-guilty society?)

I must admit that having carried two children and seeing their little heartbeats on the seven week ultrasounds has made me doubt that I could ever terminate a pregnancy. But if I were raped? Or if my health were in danger? Or if it wasn't me but instead a fourteen year old incest victim? Or a desperate 30 year old low-income woman with eight children? Sure, I don't think abortion should be done lightly as a secondary form of birth control, but I can certainly see many scenerios in which it would be the best choice for all involved.

I am outraged at pharmacies who won't stock the morning-after pill. I don't even think of it as an "abortion" since the egg hasn't implanted itself yet. (IUDs prevent implantation; do people think of IUDs as abortion-causing devices? Possibly, but we don't hear about it often.) I could go on a tirade about how pharmacies taking away choice in this manner can result in harder choices down the road.

Zube Girl's post didn't change my stance on abortion. After all, I was already pro-Choice. But it definitely made me think nonetheless.

Why rape is the most underreported crime.

2005-12-05T14:58:00.000-05:00

Holy freaking crap. Thanks to Feministing for writing about this one:

A Beaverton, Oreg., teenager was convicted Friday of filing a false police report after she claimed to have been raped by three teenage boys. She faces up to 30 days in jail and $1,250 fine. The D.A. will not be pursuing a case against the young men, who claim the sex was consensual.

After a day-and-a-half trial, Municipal Judge Peter A. Ackerman on Friday convicted the woman of filing a false police report, a class-C misdemeanor. Ackerman explained his decision, saying there were many inconsistencies in the stories of the four, but that he found the young men to be more credible. He also said he relied on the testimony of a Beaverton police detective and the woman's friends who said she did not act traumatized in the days following the incident.

Right. Because everyone reacts the same way to trauma. This comes on the heels of a British Amnesty International poll that found that 1 in 3 Brits think that a woman is at least partially to blame for her rape if she was flirting or drunk, about 1 in 4 think she's to blame if she was dressed sexily. And if a woman is known to have had an active sexual history? 15% think she'd be partly to blame for being raped and a full 8% think it would be completely her fault.

The Guardian article here, the Amnesty International U.K. press release here.

Barbie's Dream Phone

2005-12-01T09:59:00.000-05:00

Samsung's E530 mobile phone is really pissing me off today. I've long bemoaned the fact that technology seems to be designed by men for men, and when software and gadget designers try to tap the female market, they do it in incredibly insulting ways. I'm thinking here of dress-up/make-over/dream date computer games for young girls that are supposed to help them realize their potential as computer users and science students.

But this phone, man (er, women). Wow. From Samsung's press release:

The new Samsung E530 pink mobile phone is a girl’s best friend, equipped with calorie counter, megapixel camera, shopping list…oh and it even tells the ladies when they’re ovulating!

Sydney, 10 November, 2005: Samsung Australia today announced the launch of the chic Samsung E530 pink mobile phone. Combining all the stylish features you need in this fashion age, this sexy little number will be a valued addition to any handbag.

Where looks are concerned, the Samsung E530 sets the scene. The attractive compact clam-shell style mobile comes in a unique ‘lavender pink’ and silver design, which is sure to make heads turn.

Proving it not only has the edge in design, Samsung continues to lead the way in digital convergence too. Reminiscent of the popular diamante encrusted Samsung T500 mobile, this phone has the looks and intelligence to make things happen!

Want to know the real bit of fun with this feminine phone? A sub-menu in the applications section called ‘Women’s Life’. As you would expect to find, there are all sorts of things for the ladies in there – everything from the things you might like to know (such as the fragrance that best suits your personality) to things you’d prefer to forget (like your percentage body fat).

The Samsung E530 ‘Women’s Life’ includes:
Fragrance type: Are you lovable and soft? Then the sweet, fruity scent is for you.
Biorhythm: Find out the status of your physical, emotional and intellectual being on a daily or monthly basis. It even predicts how you’ll look and feel tomorrow!
Height/weight ratio: Simply plug in your height and weight to find out how you rate…if you dare.
Calories: Now that the Atkins is out, keep count of your calorie intake with this tracker.
Pink Schedule: This phone will even keep track of your cycle, telling you when it’s the best time to conceive…or when to avoid it.
Shopping list: Let your phone keep record of what you need to buy, how many you need and how much it’ll cost… but you will have to actually do the shopping yourself!

I appreciate a design that accommodates long fingernails and has an antenna that won't get snagged on things in my purse. But come on, a height/weight ratio calculator? If you're going to include such a so-called "feature" at all, at least use BMI, which is harder to calculate and more medically useful. A food diary is a useful tool for anyone who is trying to make any sort of change to their eating habits, but calling it a calorie tracker makes me feel terrible. I don't even know where to begin with the biorhythm tracker and perfume advisor.

But a PINK SCHEDULE? Since when is "pink" a euphemism for menstruation? I wish I could laugh at the thought of people being stupid enough to use their cell phone as a rhythm method tool, but I just can't.

I wonder if you can program it to change your ringtone during PMS into the Wicked Witch of the West theme?

Thanks to Feministing and Broadsheet.

More on environmentally-friendly periods

2005-11-30T14:37:00.000-05:00

From Grist Magazine (online environmental news, humor, and commentary):

Pad Influence: On composting feminine products

But on to menstruation! What's not to love about the discarded uterine lining? Pair that with composting, and we've got a one-two combination sure to be a hit at every dinner party from Seattle to Waterbury. If people say, "What's new?" you say, "I'm experimentally composting endometria." They'll have no idea what you are talking about.

While I'm at it, here's the same advice column's run-down on environmentally responsible feminine products. Nothing new here for long-time tamponblog readers, but just in case you can't get enough of the Keeper:

Menstruation Innovation: On that time of the month

SNL Bitchfight

2005-11-08T17:22:00.000-05:00

I've been adoring this season's all-woman-anchored Saturday Night Live Weekend Update. My favorite SNL skit of the season so far was in the October 29 episode (Lance Armstrong):

And now, it’s time for our “Weekend Update” Bitch Fight News Quiz.

[Music Over: “I Know What Boys Like,” The Waitresses]

[Show title graphic. Dissolve back to the “Weekend Update” desk]

Alright, so of course you all know how this works. I read Amy a quote, and she has to guess whether it is Lindsay Lohan talking about Paris Hilton, or New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd talking about fellow New York Times reporter Judith Miller. Alright, ready Amy?

Amy Poehler: Yeah, let’s do this! [dramatic music plays in the background]

Tina Fey: Alright, Quote #1: “She came up and told me to get out of her seat, and it was such an outrageous move, I just had to laugh.”

Amy Poehler: OK, I’m gonna say that’s Lindsay Lohan talking about Paris Hilton at Fashion Week. [buzzer]

Tina Fey: No, that was Maureen Dowd writing about Judith Miller, in the venerable New York Times.

Amy Poehler: OK.

Tina Fey: Quote #2: “I often wonder what Evelyn Waugh or William Makepeace Thackeray would have thought of her.”

Amy Poehler: Uh, Maureen Down on Judith Miller? [buzzer]

Tina Fey: No. Weirdly enough, that was Lohan talking about Paris Hilton.

Amy Poehler: Wow!

Tina Fey: She’s a reader. #3: “She thinks she’s so great, ‘cause she has a pink razor phone.”

Amy Poehler: Oh I’ve read this one. Maureen Dowd. [ding] Yeah, she hates that.

Tina Fey: Correct. Maureen Dowd, in an Op/Ed piece on Judith Miller. Quote #4: “I hear that one time, she had sex with Moammar Kadaffi.”

Amy Poehler: Wow, this one could go either way. I’m gonna say, Maureen Dowd? [buzzer]

Tina Fey: No, that was a trick question. That was actually Paris Hilton, talking about Paris Hilton.

Amy Poehler: OK, she does that a lot.

[display title graphic once again]

Don Pardo V/O: This has been “Weekend Update’s” Bitch Fight News Quiz. When bitches be fighting, “Weekend Update” is there.

Amy Poehler: Thank you, Don.

Full Weekend Update transcript.

This came right on the heels of Rachel Dratch's impression of Harriet Miers, in a skit that made me feel my first sympathy for Miers. Sure, they portrayed her as drunk and a shameless exploiter of the crony system, but they had one excellent point:

Miers: But then I thought, you know what? Wait a second. A man wouldn’t second guess himself like this! I mean, Donald Rumsfeld never says, 'Hey! I can’t be Secretary of Defense! I’ve never even served in the Army!' Right? Porter Goss doesn’t say, 'I can’t run the CIA! I don’t have any intelligence experience!' [some applause] And Mike Brown didn’t say, 'Hey, I can’t run FEMA! I’m the head of the Arabian Horse Society, for pete’s sake!' I mean, we’re ALL unqualified! Why am I the only one who has to admit it?

Just when I think it's time to stop watching SNL. . .

I'll post more on Maureen Dowd soon. I want to respond to the feminist blog critiques of the NY Times Magazine excerpt of her new book, but first I want to do something a little unconventional, and actually read the book.

Tampon History

2005-10-31T16:25:00.000-05:00

A history blog rounds up links on the history of tampons:

Fascinating History

Just a thought.

2005-09-05T15:17:00.000-04:00

It occurred to me how tough it would be to be out there in the midst of Katrina without any tampons. The relief effort is asking for food, blankets, diapers, formula, but not one mention of sanitary products. Not to play down the tragedy or what it must feel like to be starving, but I can't imagine being wet from the water, hungry, searching for loved ones, in pain, AND having my period. Some of the women must be in this predicament, and I can't even imagine what they are going through.

Here is a list of resources for taking donations

The Blog Been There has several posts for those who have items to donate to match up with those who are in need of said items.

I guess designer vaginas really do look frivolous now.

Thoughts/prayers to those in the midst of the disaster.

Before and After: Silence is Golden Showers

2005-08-16T19:40:00.002-04:00

I work in an office building where each floor has a few office suites. Each suite shares the building facilites: parking lot, stairwell, elevator, bathrooms.

Let's talk about the bathroom.
There is a woman in the building - every female co-worker in my office talks about her. We think maybe she works for the real estate company.
She talks on her phone in the bathroom
If you're already in a stall when she comes in, it's like a radio play - you hear her talking, stall door locking, peeing, talking, toilet paper rolling, talking, clothing shuffle, talking, Okay, good to talk to you *click* flushing, door closing.

Oh, did you notice she doesn't wash her hands?
Anyway, today I kind of felt she crossed the line. Today's radio play involved me listening to her conversation as she changed her tampon.
I never thought about it before, but I don't usually HEAR people changing their tampons. I guess it's usually covered by all the other myriad noises. But I was the only one in a stall when she came in, and. as usual, I was paralyzed with interest in the latest installment. How would she get off the phone before the flush? How loud would she get in the stall before she had to end the call?
Well, she wasn't loud.
And this made me wonder how many times I've talked to someone on the phone while they were changing a tampon. I'm hoping for zero. Not because of the sound of it. It's an etiquette issue.

Parental Notification and Vaginal Wands

2005-08-07T21:03:00.000-04:00

For those in CA or who have relatives/friends in CA, please check out ”No on Proposition 73” which outlines some reasons to defeat the Parental Notification initiative on the November Special Election Ballot.

As I attended an event to raise funds for Planned Parenthood’s Campaign for Teen Safety, which supports the aforementioned site, I started feeling what would usually be considered menstrual cramp pain, but isolated on my left side in a specific location on my upper pelvis that has been bothering me for about five years, ever since I was pregnant with my first son.

Each time I mentioned the pain, I got a different excuse for its cause, all minor things, all things which didn’t seem quite right. The pain didn’t track my cycle, nor was the quality of pain the same. It could be a “twinge,” a “stab,” a “squirt,” a “cramp,” or just “pressure.”

I finally got it checked out. But it took several hours: first at the “Minor Injury” clinic, then the ER (because Minor Injury doesn’t have an OB/GYN.)

When I had an ultrasound, the lady doing the procedure allowed me to insert the vaginal wand myself. She said it was less invasive that way. This was an interesting way of making the patient more comfortable. I had two previous vaginal ultrasounds, both of which the nurse had inserted the wand herself. So, doing it myself was a new experience! They also did an external ultrasound, and it was in the same room where I had learned that my second child would be a boy.

This time, instead of seeing a penis, we saw an ovarian cyst. But the cyst was located on the right side, instead of the left, where I had been having pain! Go figure.

So the good news is that it isn’t ovarian cancer, or something else obvious on an ultrasound, but the bad news is that the cause of the pain is not yet determined. In the meantime, I’ll get the right side checked out during a normal OB/GYN appointment.

At least I now know the probable cause for the 4 days on, 3 days off period that I’ve had the past month or so.

Female Blogging

2005-08-04T00:58:00.000-04:00

There was much talk of the “stigma” of “MommyBlogging” over the weekend at the BlogHer conference. I would venture to say this would translate in part into other female related blogs, such as TamponBlog.

I went to an obscenity-in-blogging discussion group and met people such as Melissa from sacredwhore who explained that although her blog doesn’t use profanity per se, having the word “whore” in her title meant that it was censored from iTunes.

On an amusing note, the searches used that (erroneously) lead surfers to mommy blogs included all kinds of fun words, since “breast,” “nipple,” “poo,” “penis,” and other terms are mentioned “innocently” in the natural course of discussing parenting through breastfeeding, potty training, and so-forth. (I know I’ve made posts here with several of these terms.)

“Where are all the female bloggers?” was the question that BlogHer originally sought to answer, but it went much farther to produce debate, discussion, and tools for female bloggers. Interestingly, I didn’t think there was a paucity of female bloggers. 99% of my daily reads are women. Therefore, I didn’t realize there was an issue.

In the midst of the “blog hierarchy” discussion that somehow put “Mommy Bloggers” at the bottom of the chain (“she’s a good writer for a Mommy Blogger,”) someone made the comment that “Hey, one of the top female bloggers is a Mommy Blogger,” referring to Dooce.

But I never really considered her a “Mommy Blogger.” Dooce is Dooce. She started writing long before getting married or having a child. Same as the other women I read: I never really labeled them in a specific term, because to me their blogs were about many aspects of their lives, not just the motherhood role. I don’t think there is anything wrong with the term “Mommy Blog,” but in the case where the woman writes about other things, it isn’t exactly accurate.

And for women who write exclusively about their kids, I love that there is a witty, entertaining record of these kids’ lives. These women are fabulous writers, and it is terrific that they have shared their anecdotes with the Internet World. (Shouts out to the leaders of the Mommy Blogging Panel: Meghan, Jenny, and Jen. Plus The Mommy Blog, of course. And special mentions to Mandajuice and jenandtonic, both fabulous “Mommy Bloggers Who Also Post About Other Things”)

"Female" issues such as tampons, childbirth, childrearing, female sexual empowerment, and so forth should be talked about without lowering the credibility of the speaker. Period. (so to speak.)

(Technorati tag blogher)

Back... with a vengeance

2005-08-03T23:22:00.000-04:00

I am lucky to have kept my period away for nearly a year after giving birth. This is probably a combination of breastfeeding (until my son was 10 months old) and the mini-pill, which is a low-dose birth control pill given to breastfeeding mothers.

About two months ago, I had a little spotting, but three weeks ago, the flow returned for good. Then I figured it was over for another month. But then a week ago, I had a couple days more. And then yesterday I started again. So it looks like I am going through that fun regulatory period (so to speak) where I am hormonally batty and spot-unpredictable. Too bad, because August is the time to wear bathing suits and go commando under white jeans (well, maybe I am not that bold!)

The upside is that I finally got a chance to try the ditties I won "ditty bowling!" Unfortunately, I was so crampy and what-not that I didn't notice when I didn't insert it correctly and it subsequently fell out. So I thought I had lost it up there. It was a teenaged fear that I thought had come to pass. But then I realized that it had probably just fallen out during one of those multiple trips to the restroom (if I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant again with all the peeing going on!) At any rate, I never have learned to insert tampons correctly, or maybe it is just my strange anatomy that produces "sunny side up" babies, but I remain an o.b. gal. (Incidentally, I found this o.b. ad from the early 1950's while searching around for that lounge-chair Always ad.* I guess o.b. stands for the German "ohne Binde", meaning "without [a menstrual] pad" )

In a way, I am relieved that I started anew yesterday because I was so weepy over the weekend, and inexplicably shy at BlogHer that I really did feel possessed.

*Two things:
1) That Always lounge chair looks pretty comfy to me.
2) A Google search for "Always" yields first the site I wanted, then second, the WALMART site, because their tagline is "Always Low Prices!"

Salon on heating pads

2005-07-14T17:23:00.000-04:00

This "object lust" essay on Salon.com (subscription required, or you can watch an ad to get a one-day free pass) pays homage to those ThermaCare disposable, adhesive hot pads that can stick to the inside of your underwear to ease cramps. The essay is a little irritating ("I am telling you, it's enough to make you look forward to that time of the month." uh-huh, sure.) but it's always nice to see menstruation get a mention in the press.

Cup-size Couture

2005-07-03T16:16:00.000-04:00

Awhile ago, in the comments of this post, we were discussing the sad state of finding shirts to fit the large-chested. JJ then posted the brilliant solution that shirts could be sold by cup size.

It has happened!

Rebecca & Drew (via Neiman Marcus) now includes a collection by bra size.

Also, Bravissimo is an entire site devoted to large-chested women, and Uniquely Woman is a site celebrating all body types.

What Shall We Do?

2005-07-03T15:54:00.000-04:00

I know this is old news by now, all the panic over Sandra Day O'Connor's resignation, but given the subject matter of this blog, I felt it important to mention. Female rights issues are going to be a major concern for many women during the nomination and confirmation process for a potential new Justice.

Let's move forward instead of backward.

Interestingly enough, today's Parade magazine newspaper insert had a story about prominent women who are making a difference in their respective countries.

"Dr. (Massouda) Jalal ran for Afghanistan's highest office twice... against no-President Hamid Karzai... Dr. Jalal only got about 1% of the total but earned votes in all of Afghanistan's major cities. She hopes to run again - and win."

We don't have any women in the U.S. who have run for President obtaining 1% of the vote and earning votes in all of our major cities.

It concerns me that the U.S. hasn't had a female President, when so much of the rest of the world has had female major leaders. And now we are losing a female Justice, and may be losing much more.

Cross your fingers. (And maybe your legs.)

Empowering Clothes

2005-06-04T18:20:00.000-04:00

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants just came out last Wednesday about a group of four young women friends who each can magically fit into a single pair of pants despite their differing body types. The movie chronicles their adventures in said pants.

The author writes:
"I've always liked the idea that clothing can hold emotions and memories or connections to other people, so it wasn't a stretch to imagine a pair of jeans could be a physical repository for a living friendship."
- Ann Brashares

So, 'fess up: Is there a single piece of clothing that makes you ready to take on the world? Or an article that conjures up fond memories?

Hot, Hairy, and Horny

2005-06-02T19:24:00.000-04:00

Just now in my inbox, I received an email from a mom's club friend asking if anyone has had any success with products such as Nair, Neet, or any other non-shaving type of hair removal (I guess laser?) because she says that it is now too hot out to shave all the time. So now I pose the question to the internet audience -- What types of hair removal have been most successful for you?

While looking around for an English version of the Neet website (why isn't one readily available? And why is it that googling "Neet" results in many non-hair-care-removal websites, yet the Google Ads are all about hair removal?), I came across a wealth of information. One question that I have had, but have been reluctant to actually ask anyone regards the "bikini area." I honestly don't know what "most people" do to be adequately groomed. For example, when younger, I took it all off, later to read that is usually not what people do. Is it safe to use chemicals "down there" or must one shave very, very carefully? I think most people probably have someone wax it professionally, but I am not comfortable enough to have a stranger do this. At any rate, I just found the Pubic Shave website which claims to have tips about hair removal for all areas. (I am a little nervous about the sex toy ads and so forth because I am not looking for porn, but it looks like there is some actual advice.) And then a skin care product website includes a Guide to Hair Removal that I might look at.

When I went through adolescence, my mom told me to wait as long as possible before shaving my legs. She said that once I started, I could never stop. (Presumably because when the hair is shaved off, the tip is blunt cut and is therefore rougher to the touch than a hair that hasn't been cut.) The whole "darker and thicker" myth still was in abundance. Thankfully, I still have blonde leg hair. For one of my birthdays or Christmases, she gave me an electric razor only for me to tell her I had been shaving for awhile. However, I had only been shaving from the knee down (most people do the whole leg, right?). And nobody ever told me to shave the "bikini area!" Yes, I knew to shave my armpits, but that was because it was pretty obvious who had and hadn't. Nonetheless, my first "down there" experience was when I was at a pool party and realized that my suit was cut high enough to necessitate some grooming. So I quickly excused myself and improvised. The resulting rash wasn't pretty!

Female Bloggers Unite!

2005-06-02T19:09:00.000-04:00

For anyone who will be near Santa Clara, CA at the end of July, the BlogHer 2005 Conference will be held July 30 at the TechMart Meeting Center. This is a great opportunity for seasoned bloggers as well as newbies to join together for networking and ideas, but most importantly, to encourage the female bloggers! Male attendees are certainly welcome, but "cultivating the female blogging community" is part of the goal for this gathering.

I am particularly excited because some of my favorite bloggers will be in attendance, so I hope to actually meet them in person, groupie that I am!

Registration can be found HERE, and an overview can be found at www.blogher.org.

Hope to see you there!

(Oh, and for those of you who aren't convinced, the
TechMart Meeting Center is next door to Paramount's Great America Theme Park, so you can ride roller coasters when you aren't attending conference sessions.)

Spotlight on Health Care

2005-06-02T18:50:00.000-04:00

WOMEN'S HEALTH, I:

In today's Dear Abby, a reader explains that the Food and Drug Administration's Office of Women's Health and the Federal Citizen Information Center have teamed up to create a free Women's Health Information Kit, which covers a multitude of different health-related concerns.

There are three ways to obtain the kit:

1) Order online at http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov

2) Send your name and address to Women's Health Information Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009

3) Call toll-free 1-888-878-3256 weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. (EST) and ask for the Women's Health Information Kit.

WOMEN'S HEALTH, II:

Avon's Walk for Breast Cancer is coming up in my area. I must admit that when I set out to post information about this, I was erroneously under the impression that all the "walks" would take place in July, not just the one in my location. So, unfortunately, there are several geographic locations for which the walk just passed. However, this gives you a whole year of preparation for the 2006 walk! But for those of you near Denver, San Francisco, L.A., or New York, consider either walking, or sponsoring a friend.

Size matters

2005-05-08T12:52:00.000-04:00

At my gynecologist appointment last month, I asked if it would be possible to get a diaphragm. She said sure; we could do a fitting right away. There are, apparently, 5 standard sizes for diaphragms, and to fit you for one, they start with the middle size and work up or down from there. So she started by trying to fit me with the M. Then the S. Then the XS. Turns out my cervix is so small, no diaphragm will fit me. But, she assured me, this will not affect my fertility. (Like it's my fertility that worries me about having a small cervix, not the 5-letter L word.)

To add injury to insult, well, let's just say that having a pap smear as well as three succesive attempted insertions of overlarge diaphragms can leave one with a somewhat uncomfortable sensation for the rest of one's day.

This blog's discussion of menstrual cups is certainly interesting, but I fear that it may prove purely academic for folks like myself. I added the links people suggested to the sidebar, by the way.

If my mother ever reads this post, I'm a dead woman

2005-05-03T12:08:00.000-04:00

My grandmother had a really impressive collection of costume jewelry. It felt like she had a beaded necklace, pin, and set of earrings for every outfit she ever owned, not to mention all of the secret society jewelry she accrued, both as a member of Eastern Star, etc., and as the wife of a 33rd degree Mason, Shriner, member of the Rotary, etc. This collection was divided up among four granddaughters. Her two daughters in law might also have some. My sister and I both have a mason jar full of beaded necklaces, enough pins to fill a shadow box, and a whole bag of other jewelry.

One of the necklaces in my collection is spectacular. It's two strands, with big huge round beads in the middle. Many shades of cream, rose, and pale mauve. Gold spacers, and big wacky beads of gold, cream, white, and black.

I've been wanting to wear it forever, but wanted to have a jeweler inspect the string first, because it is half a century old. I also meant to take some digital photos first, in case it needed to be restrung, so it could be returned to its exact arrangement.

This morning, on an impulse, I wore the necklace. I've gotten many compliments, and I was pleased that the necklace didn't overwhelm me with the aroma of Avon's Skin So Soft once it warmed up on my body, as happened to me the last time I wore one of the necklaces.

A few minutes ago, one of the strings broke. And as I listened to my grandmother's beads bouncing off the floor, rolling under my desk, and getting stuck in the cracks between floorboards, I remembered that I never did take that photo.

On the plus side, the string has black stains where the spacer beads went, so I can at least extrapolate the pattern based on the size of the unstained spaces. Also, a mechanical pencil with the lead pushed out about an inch makes a great tool for fishing tiny beads out of a keyboard. And, as a coworker pointed out, at least it broke in my office, and not on the subway or the sidewalk.

Cloth pads

2005-05-03T09:54:00.000-04:00

I just thought this deserved its own thread. "S" wrote:

Hello!
I'm wondering if you are going to post any information on cloth menstual pads.
I went to my OB-GYN because every time I got my period, my vulva would become really irritated. He told me that I was probably allergic to my pads and that it's actually pretty common.
Once I started using cloth menstral pads, all that went away. And they are so much more comfortable.
Thanks!

So, S, are you talking about something like Luna pads?

The Red Sea

2005-03-29T12:03:00.000-05:00

My friend recently wrote this in an email to our local moms' group:

For St. Patricks day I dyed the toilet water green ( is potty training, and thought it was a hoot). A few days ago, I was "enjoying my time of the month". came into the bathroom while I was flushing and said "look mama, your leprechaun turned the water red!"

I avoid having my son close enough to the bowl to ever make such an observation, but her story is worth a giggle.

I guess an Easter pink may have been appropriate this past weekend?

Degrees of Sexaration

2005-02-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

This is amazing. Researchers mapped the sexual activity of one high school over a 6-month period. (Full article here.)

What's noteworthy is that unlike the adult population, which tends to have a few individuals who really get around and act as hubs of contagion, and lots of closed loops within circles of acquaintances, the high schoolers had long chains of indirect connection. Over half of the romantically active students were involved in this big, circular snowflake. So, it would be very easy for a kid to feel they weren't at risk of STDs, because they were only involved with one person, who'd been involved with only one previous person, who somehow linked them into this long chain of relatively non-promiscuous people. How do you wrap your head around needing to be careful with your boyfriend because of someone 37 degrees of separation from you might have?

The map does not show sequence, so you can't tell how many of the people connected to the snowflake were involved with their link to it before that person joined up with the snowflake. However, if this is how linked everyone can get in just 6 months, what would that map look like at the end of four years?

A coworker and I only found two instances of same-sex coupling, one of which might have been a three-way. And although there are a few kids whose number of partners over six months I find troubling (one boy made connections with nine girls!), most of the kids seem to have had only one or two partners. I'm not sure if that's encouraging, because it goes against the media-hyped phenomenon of "hooking up" parties with lots of casual anonymous sex, or if it's discouraging, because it means that many, many kids are at risk for STDs and probably don't believe it, because they're relatively inexperienced and monogamous.

(I found the link thanks to this blog: Making Light.)

I am a bad feminist.

2005-02-01T22:11:00.000-05:00

True, I bought Ms. Magazine today even though I'd already read most of the articles online. But only because the March This Old House Magazine isn't out yet.

Obscurity Update

2005-01-30T10:43:00.000-05:00

As I was flipping through the New York Times this morning, I had a moment of "Holy Crap! That's Leta!" Front page of the SundayStyles section, above the fold, enormous photo of Heather's torso, typing on a Mac laptop, with an arm around Leta. Very cute. The headline and opening paragraphs were a little, um, dismissive. "Mommy (and Me): A generation of new parents are telling tales from the crib in blogs that revel in self-absorption." I'll link to the story here, but I'm afraid it's subscription-only. You might be able to see the photo without a subscription if you go here, but only for the next week. Anyway, that's why Heather's blog this morning makes a vague reference to self-absorption.

For those without a NYT subscription, the part of the story about Heather is:

Heather B. Armstrong of Salt Lake City credits her blog, Dooce.com, with saving her sanity, if not her life. When it began in February 2001, Dooce was a collection of anecdotes about Ms. Armstrong's single life in Los Angeles, with provocative entries like "The Proper Way to Hate a Job" and "Dear Cranky Old Bitch Who Cut in Front of Me at Canter's Deli." After someone sent an unsigned, untraceable e-mail message about Ms. Armstrong's blog to her company's board in 2002, she was promptly dismissed, and "Dooced" entered Urbandictionary.com as a term for "Losing your job for something you wrote in your online blog, journal, Web site, etc."
A year later Ms. Armstrong married, moved back to Utah, gave birth to a daughter, Leta, and was soon after hospitalized for severe postpartum depression. Her moving, confessional entries from that time generated thousands of e-mail messages and, she said, helped speed her recovery.

Now about 40,000 people log on to read about Ms. Armstrong's efforts to break her daughter's binky habit and of her concern about swearing in front of Leta. Like most parent bloggers, Ms. Armstrong steals time at the computer when the child is napping, after the baby sitter arrives and late at night. She said she blogs at least 15 hours a week. "Dooce probably saved my life," she said. "The writing and voice I had let me hold onto part of the original and old Heather, something that being a mother and the depression couldn't take away."

The Joy of Obscurity

2005-01-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

I've often thought that it would be nice if tamponblog had a larger readership. Hey, I think we're amusing! But yesterday's dooce post makes me grateful for our lack of notoriety.

They say that for every letter to the editor written, ten more people had the same opinion and didn't bother to write. Because it's so much easier to post an anonymous comment than write a letter, the numbers might be lower on the web. Still, it would be nice to imagine that for every person who posts a positive comment on your site, there are ten more silent people who also like your site. It would NOT be a pleasant thought that for every wacko who sends you anonymous hate mail or negatively posts, there are another ten out there who also hate you!

Speaking of dooce, I'm pretty confident that if we ever met her in real life, we would be really good friends with the author. However, I'm not going to send her an email saying, "I've read all of this personal stuff that you've posted on the internet, and I think you're really funny, so even though you have no idea who I am, let's be friends!" It would be a bit of a star-struck thing to do. Like the letter I wrote when I was 13 or so after reading an interview with Joey Lawrence (brother on Blossom, with the catch phrase "Whoa!") and deciding that we were soul mates. I'm happy to report that my grip on reality was firm enough that I didn't actually mail the letter.

But rather than feeling regret that we're not likely to meet Heather in person and become friends, I'm going to take my response to her web site as proof that the world is full of people I would find simpatico. If I had to pick up and move somewhere like Utah, where I know no one and only 26% of the population voted the way I did in the last election, I would be able to find awesome people to be friends with. That's a lovely thought, isn't it?

Ode II

2005-01-24T01:06:00.000-05:00

I really appreciated reading nsf’s ode to her period. I would like to respond to a few things in her post, but decided to do my own post rather than write a super-long comment.

Mine arrived on school picture day in the seventh grade, a month before my twelfth birthday. I had monthly spotting for a good six months earlier, but didn’t realize that the real thing involved a comparatively copious amount of liquid and was accompanied by dizzying pain.

My dad was trying to be sympathetic, so awkwardly asked if I needed more time to get ready before he drove me to school. I lashed out saying I was fine. My first bout of PMS mixed with embarrassment, clearly. School pictures are always bad, but having the first cramps of one’s life and being afraid of blood spilling all over the place lead to quite a heinous photo!

I recall some anticipation of when it would arrive, but also fear. The first time I learned about menstruation was from a book written by a conservative Christian. You can imagine how “the curse” was explained in such context! So although I wanted to be “grown up” I also didn’t want to have “proof of sin.”

But I remember slyly sneaking it in my conversation with my best friend (who, as nsf suggests, was one of several “best” friends who changed with our fickle personalities) – “So, uh, I have pads in my bag if you need one.” And “hey, I think I may have spotted on my pants a little, can you see anything back there?” I remember learning that the breaks between class periods were absolutely too short to change one’s pad without being tardy to the next class, so it was important to change at the last minute before first period, then during homeroom break, and at the start and end of lunch. Nonetheless, I had accidents.

My introduction to birth control pills came not because of sexual activity, but because of devastating dysmenorrhea. The first gynecologist I visited was unsympathetic. She kept asking me if I was sexually active. I kept telling her that I was not. I was twelve. I was going to wait until marriage. She kept asking again, defining sexual activity, describing acts about which I had never heard. When she did the pelvic exam, she scoffed at my tears, saying that the exam was “mildly uncomfortable.” It was horrifically painful to me and I wept openly. I left her office humiliated, but with a prescription for birth control pills.

The pills were initially a wonderful thing, as they meant that I no longer had painful cramps. I didn’t have periods anymore, even while taking the sugar pills. Unfortunately, after a few years of altering my hormones, my mental health suffered. I went off the birth control pills and rediscovered the pain and inconvenience of menstruation. But, I reasoned, a couple days a month of being bedridden with vomiting and pain along with a week of pads was better than going through life depressed on a daily basis. (Only pads? Yes: after the painful pelvic exam, I wasn’t going to take a chance on tampons!) A kindly college physician disavowed me of the need for that tradeoff; she gave me a more evolved balance of hormones. She was also the first to give me a pelvic exam without pain. It is amazing what a kind, attentive physician can do to reassure the patient, and as a result, set up a more favorable psychological arena to deal with discomfort.

I only had one pregnancy scare where the absence of a period made my heart skip a beat. It was after I had gone off birth control pills in anticipation of starting my family shortly after the start of my upcoming marriage, but it was still before the wedding.

I had told myself that I would wait until marriage before becoming sexually active, but as I got older I “revised” that to be that I had to be engaged, since that was in my eyes as committed as marriage. So yes, Grandma, I had sex before my wedding. In fact, if anyone counts the number of days between my wedding and the arrival of my first son, it is clear that either I have a really long cycle, or we jumped the gun by two weeks.

In fact, we had become intimate at least six months before the wedding. In the midst of the planning stress, I missed a period. I couldn’t possibly imagine being six months pregnant at my own wedding, so became even more stressed, thereby delaying my period even more! But pregnancy test after pregnancy test was negative, and within a few weeks, my period finally arrived. It is the most joyous I have ever felt to see my underwear stained! (And an excuse to go to Victoria’s Secret!)

The “disappointment period” that nsf speaks of is something I have experienced, but not until I was already a parent. My first son came exactly when we had hoped. If that two-weeks-before-the-wedding hadn’t “worked,” we would have tried again the next month. I was lucky. I must admit that the positive pregnancy test caused a panic only because the reality of everything hit me all at once. I had just gotten married and soon there would be three of us? Am I really ready for this? So although I would have been devastated with the arrival of a period, I was shocked when the pregnancy was fact! This is in the same realm of what nsf described, with the idea that a couple wanting a baby could be secretly relieved at the arrival of a period.

Parenthood is definitely a life-altering event, and it is more so than can be explained to a non-parent. Just as nsf describes periods as being something that is anticipated, but from which you can never go back, so is parenthood.

My second son was not so easily conceived. It took a year of “trying” before I became pregnant. My heart dropped each time my period arrived. But then one month it didn’t come. And the test was positive. And again I was shocked and panicked! I was definitely less concerned this time around because I knew what to expect, but the reality that we would be a family of four was surreal.

I imagine that the loss of a period will be a heavy emotional event as well. Just as menarche is symbolic of the start of womanhood, menopause will close the chapter of potential childbirth. Even if I feel “done” with having babies, I imagine that the reality of not being able to have them will be difficult. I cannot imagine the pain that the women who wish to be biological mothers, but cannot for a variety of reasons, must feel. Or a woman who didn’t want children, but at the start of menopause perhaps has second thoughts. Or, for someone completely comfortable with not being a parent, if menopause symbolizes not something relating to reproduction, but instead the beginning of old age.

Periods certainly cause pain and joy in what they represent. The reproductive lives of women – regardless of whether we choose parenthood or not – are certainly a big part of our life stories.

Ode to My Period

2005-01-04T10:52:00.000-05:00

I got my period the summer between 6th and 7th grades. I was the third in my group of four friends, joined at the hip when we weren't "not speaking" to one of the others. What I remember most clearly is the year or so of eager anticipation, wanting to be grown-up enough to join the club of girls who'd gotten theirs. Of course, little did we know that getting your period was a lot like waiting to be allowed to shave your legs. As soon as the novelty wears off, you'd just as soon not have started, but there's no way to go back. Now you've got got to contend with years of accidents, wondering if you'll ever settle into a predictable schedule, and always having supplies in that tiny, interior zip-pocket of your purse.

Then come the years after you've started having sex, before you're ready for kids. The period is still a nuisance, but if it ever doesn't come on schedule . . . well, you learn a whole new appreciation for "Aunt Flo." This is also the stage in my life where I discovered the miracle that is the birth control pill. I could stop carrying around emergency supplies, because I knew when my period would start, give or take a few hours. I could plan trips a year in advance and be relatively certain that I wouldn't have my period. (Of course, then they started telling women that it was ok to skip the non-medicated week and force a skipped period for convenience, and the being able to count forward in 28-day increments for a year paled in comparison.)

Then comes the stage for so many women where the period coming on time is a heart-breaking notice that parenthood is at least another month off. I wonder if for some women, as much as they'd like to be pregnant, the familiar ritual of having a period is a tiny bit of a relief, a sign that they've got one more month of life as they know it before everything changes. I mean, no one would think it strange if people who were really happy to be expecting were also a bit freaked out at the enormity of what's going to happen to their lives. So wouldn't a bit of relief at not yet having to face the unknown also be natural? I've never heard anyone admit to it, though.

And then, menopause. After years of a complicated relationship with your period, what must it be like to say goodbye? When our culture places so much importance on youth, is it hard to still feel feminine? In cultures with more respect for age, is it easier to transition from the mother archetype to the crone stage of life?

All of this is going through my head as I wait around for a slightly overdue period. (No, not pregnant! Absolutely no chance!) I've been having insulin-resistance problems that interfered with my period for the last few years. I've been on a medication which fixed the problem, but as I lose weight and get healthier, my doctor told me to experiment with tapering off the medication to see what happens. Here's how lazy I am: although I haven't yet reached the weight at which the doctor told me to try the experiment, my prescription ran out and rather than making one stupid phone call to the doctor asking him to call in a refill to the pharmacy, I decided to experiment early and see what happens. Last month was my first unmedicated period in years (woo-hoo!) and suddenly, in my late 20s, I'm back to where I was when I was 12, keeping a calendar and trying to figure out what schedule my ovaries are on. Am I a 28-day girl? A 35-er? Irregular? Last month's came on day 31. Today is day 35, and I'm still waiting. I was cranky as hell on Sunday, yesterday my boobs hurt and I couldn't get enough tortilla chips and chocolate, so where the hell is my period? I've wasted four pads by wearing them to bed just in case, and then having nothing happen. I haven't had this sort of period anticipation in over a decade, and it's all a bit surreal. But excellent fodder for blogging!

Tips for Life

2005-01-04T08:47:00.000-05:00

I recently opened a new box of pantiliners, and my Kotex LightDays are now running "Tips for Life" on the paper backing of the adhesive strips. Tips (in three languages) include: "Staying active during your period can help relieve cramps," "Drink 6-8 glasses of water daily to help keep you hydrated and feeling fresh," and, of course, "Try Kotex Lightdays Pantiliners . . . also available in Longs, Average and Purse-Paks."

They call these tips for life? Tips for your period, sure, but for life?

How about, "If you want to say something just because you think it would sound witty/cutting/cute, stifle." Or, "Just because you dislike the teacher doesn't necessarily mean you're bad at the subject, or wouldn't like it with a different teacher." Or, "When you see something in a store that you absolutely love, buy it immediately, because it might be discontinued and you'll spend years futilely searching for it."

What are your real tips for life?

Miss Abigail's Hit

2004-12-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

I just discovered missabigail.com via metafilter. I particularly enjoyed one Q&A regarding living together. The question of how a man and woman can live together seems like a modern one, but of course, man and woman have lived together for as long as history has been recorded.

Even though social mores have changed, what was written in 1896 about love and marriage remains true today:

If a man and a woman are to live together well, they must take the plant of love to the sunniest and securest place in their habitation. They must water it with tears of repentance, or tears of joy; they must jealously remove the destroying insects, and pluck off the dead leaves, that the living may take their place. And if they think they have any business in this life more pressing than the care and culture of the plant, they are undeserving of one another, and time's revenges will be swift and stern.

Sex in the City, as long as the city isn't Jerusalem

2004-11-30T13:29:00.000-05:00

BBC News and others over the last week have had easy-to-miss items about a soap billboard that offended some people in Israel, because Sarah Jessica Parker was wearing a strapless, short dress. Replacement billboards with her dress magically transformed into a longer dress with sleeves went up very quickly. With all of the buzz surrounding this, no one is giving details on the part of the story that interests me: the Photoshop work that was done! I'm thinking that they used the clone tool heavily, and used the highlights and shadows of her skin to guide where the sequins should shine.

American Idol vs. Presidential Election

2004-10-26T09:55:00.000-04:00

In 2000, 22 million women were eligible to vote but didn't. (Well, 21.4 million, but everyone else is rounding that one up.) 16 million didn't register, and 6 million registered but didn't show up on election day.

Planned Parenthood sent me an email today claiming that more unmarried women voted for the last American Idol than the last President. They're promoting a new internet movie to encourage unmarried women to vote, American Idle.

The movie is kinda cute (though nothing compared to The Meatrix, by the same artists), and I'm all for the cause, but I have to quibble with Planned Parenthood's statistics. True, 65 million votes were cast for the final episode of the most recent American Idol. However, that doesn't represent 65 million individuals voting, because only between 28 and 31 million people tuned in, depending on whose ratings you believe. In the last presidential election, 23.4 million unmarried women voted. If Planned Parenthood is right, at least 75-83% of the American Idol viewership or voting poll is unmarried women over 18, and that strikes me as unlikely. I wasn't able to quickly locate any demographic breakdown of Idol viewers, but I suspect that it's pretty popular with teens.

Statistical quibbling aside, the cause is a good one. Had unmarried women (who voted at about a 52% rate, and favored Gore at a rate of 66%) voted at the 68% rate that married women did, there would have been an extra 6 or 7 million votes, 4 to 4.75 million for Gore, 2 million for Bush, and about a quarter million for Nader, in a race that was separated by a little over half a million votes. In Florida, 52% of unmarried women voted, compared to 60% of the total eligible population. Had an additional 8% of the unmarried women voted, there would have been an extra 202,640 votes, probably 133,742 would have been for Gore. The margin by which Bush was awarded the electoral college was only 537 votes.

Pants, Too

2004-10-20T21:20:00.000-04:00

So it is hard to find shirts that fit. Women definitely vary in the ratio of chest size to waist size to shoulder size.

But they vary in pant length to waist size to hip size, too. I have always wondered why women's pants can't be like men's: sold by waist and height. It seems so simple. But then we add the butt/hip variable, and it becomes more complex. But, a little stretch fabric can go a long way.

Still, it is frustrating to try on jeans that are supposed to be universally flattering and find them several inches too long. "Hem them?" you suggest. Well, with a boot cut or a flare, that isn't going to happen. "Straight Cut, then?" No, because that assumes you don't have hips or a butt.

So my answer? Remove the length variable to some degree: Get the skirt instead!

The better answer? Design women's clothes to fit real women.

Men Breastfeeding in the ER

2004-10-20T21:17:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday's episode of ER had a man breastfeeding his infant using the supplemental nursing system mentioned earlier.

If men can lactate,
And women can pee standing up using a funnel,
then the only (physical function) thing that stands between them is menstruation. (well, and pregnancy.)

Medical-knowledgeable-people: Have there been cases of genetic males having a period? (I am assuming some folk who have equipment for both might end up menstuating in some fashion, or perhaps there is a condition where "uterine lining" builds up but has nowhere to exit?)

Tasty Tampon Treats

2004-10-11T16:19:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of Brain, Child Magazine:

I suppose I should have been grateful for any safe plaything that diverted my eighteen-month-old while I was bathing her older brother. And I suppose I should have known she wouldn't be able to resist the crinkly wrapper and the satisfyingly chompable plastic tube with its cotton filling - just the right amount of give for her teething gums. Still, I think I started us both when I turned around to discover a month's worth of wasted feminine protection on the floor and yelled, "Lydia, Stop chewing on my tampons!"

Actually, I wouldn't call it a "safe plaything," since I'd be afraid of the chokeability of the whole deal, but I had to chuckle at the visual. I wonder how big the older brother is, and whether he was purplexed. Someday, the writer and Lydia will have a bonding moment over the story.

Speaking of bonding, my son bonded with my husband as they learned to "cross streams" in the toilet the other day. And just this morning, my son requested a little bonding with his younger brother: upon watching me nurse, he pulled up his shirt, tugged on his nipple, and asked that his brother eat from him.

Pink and Red: Too Much Fun, Not Enough Business?

2004-10-11T15:37:00.000-04:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I read an article recently (and will link if I recall where!) discussing how breast cancer awareness might be becoming too "gimmicky."

Consider:
- Race for the Cure
- Boobiethon!
- Breast Cancer Three Day
- Tied to the Cause
- Pink Pony
Plus pink ribbons, breast-cancer stamps, etc.

Is it "cool" to wear pink? Do we glorify breast cancer as some cutesy disorder?

I would say yes, it is cool to wear pink, but I don't think it diminishes the perception that breast cancer is a serious disease that involves a lot of pain and turmoil. I know that breast cancer kills, and that it isn't all about "being a breast cancer survivor" as a status symbol - it is about making sure that there are survivors.

I won't start a whole tirade on how money devoted to "research" doesn't actually make it into the hands of those performing the research, since that is true of any disease. (And the amount of money that actually goes to a particular fund through the sale of a product is typically pretty small.) That said, I think having an awareness month and having pink promotions is still a good idea. However, there are a few caveats:

1) It is in some ways more important to raise awareness about heart disease, since that is the #1 killer of women. The Go Red for Women campaign is helping with that, as are some of the major women's magazines during February, showing models and celebrities with gorgeous red dresses (The next Wear Red Day will be February 4. 2005.) There are more preventative measures that women can do to prevent heart disease, so this not exclusively a monetary cause. It is also a way to encourage women to eat well, exercise, and be aware of their own risk factors.

2) People shouldn't just "buy and forget." The fun thing about pink polo shirts or pretty red ribbons is the fashion end and the "look how cool I am because I am supporting a cause." It is too easy to think about it as the "in" thing to do, rather than pausing to recall exactly why these promotions are in existance.

3) If there are too many "causes," there won't be enough support for each. My hope is that women can become more educated about their health overall, so that they aren't just fearing a breast lump. I wish there could be more research devoted to how women respond to various medications and how their symptomology for less in-the-spotlight diseases can be examined.

Sad Ignorance

2004-10-11T15:23:00.000-04:00

In this week's issue of Parade Magazine, there was an article about menopause. Included in the article were results from a study questioning women on their knowledge of female health care concerns. Sadly, many women are misinformed. For example, imaging thinking that menopause occurs at age 30! And only 3% know that HPV causes cervical cancer. Fortunately, the word seems to be spreading that heart disease is the biggest killer of women. 47% correctly answered that question, while 42% gave the common answer of cancer.

Speaking of heart disease, cheers to the American Heart Association for promoting women's awareness of heart disease as the #1 killer of women - but jeers for not relaying information regarding how heart attack symptoms are not the same for men and women. On their website, the typical men's symptoms are listed only. Too many women figure they aren't having a heart attack because they aren't experiencing the male symptoms. (A document buried deep within the women's section includes some additional symptoms, but most individuals won't find it - instead, they will just see the symptoms listed on the front page of the site.)

Domestic Bliss?

2004-10-04T14:08:00.000-04:00

ABC's new show Desperate Housewives may be a source for some tamponbloggy moments. I enjoyed the pilot, but especially chuckled at an article in my local paper about the show:

For many years, television writer and producer Marc Cherry lived under the spell of a false impression: He believed that his mother, Martha, pretty much had led a blissful, sweet-natured June Cleaver-like existence.

That is until the two sat down a few years ago to watch the evening news. On came a tragic story about Andrea Yates, the Houston woman who drowned her five children. In stunned disbelief, Cherry wondered aloud how a woman could ever reach the point of such desperation.

To which his mom removed the cigarette from her mouth, turned to him and uttered: "I've been there."

"I was astounded," Cherry, 42, recalls.

Astounded, indeed. The grass really is greener. Whether working, staying at home, kids or no kids, our lives are filled with various stressors that "the other side" will never quite believe. It is fun that there is now a TV show that shows a little bit of the hecticness related to the stay-at-home variety, though it will likely end up just as unrealistic as the "on the job" dramas (policework, medicine, law). Nonetheless, I will watch the show both for its humor and for the times that it hits close to home.

And I am willing to bet that there will be a tampon-in-the-dog's-mouth moment or a "hey ma, what's this?" query. I'll be watching!

Milkmen

2004-09-29T17:39:00.000-04:00

Again from my doctor friend (who I am not linking in case he doesn't wish to be known, though I thank him for the ideas!): a site showing men can breastfeed, or at least can lactate a little bit (or in some cases, fully nurse.) It makes sense, since some of the machinery is there, although I do question the ability to "will" oneself to lactate. I have heard of males lactating before, but more because of a disorder. I have also read about the supplemental nursing systems because some adoptive mothers want to experience the closeness of breastfeeding with their new child (or, as the link points out, the system can be used for premature and failure-to-thrive infants.)

So it all makes sense that male breastfeeding might be possible, and in the case of gay adoptive parents, single fathers, and other such family configurations, perhaps very useful!

The same link references a book (Fresh Milk: The Secret Life of Breasts) which discusses male nursing and other not-oft-discussed topics regarding breastmilk such as recipes using breastmilk and donations to milk-banks.

UPDATE: Since Nick says (in the comments) that it is okay to "out" him: His blog is Blogborygmi. Expect medical tidbits, but also lots of Hasselhoff worship. (Hasselhoff breastfeeding, now that would be interesting.)

Check out my birth control!

2004-09-29T17:15:00.000-04:00

The guy who I posted about (Flowers, Butterflies, Sunshine, and our Mascot "Mensie"!) earlier (and who is now a doctor, so knows plenty about menstruation) wrote to me with some interesting links. Apparently, some teens enjoy flaunting their birth control:

From TeenGrowth.com discussing the patch: The patch is visible, which makes it less confidential than some other methods (but then some women like the obvious "proof" that they are using birth control).

I think it is more "proof" that they are "cool enough" to have sex. (Or at the least, that they have reached menarche.) Nonetheless, my doctor friend says that he had heard some residents talking about how teens are enjoying placing their patch on provocative, visible places.

Do I remember people thinking nicotine patches were cool at one point? Like "I am so cool that I started smoking, but now I am trying to quit" (whether or not the person was actually a smoker in the first place.)

Makes me wonder how many teens wear the patch just so that they will look cool, but who aren't actually sexually active. In a way, this trend could actually create more female pressure to have sex than male pressure.

Boobiethon! Boobiethon! Boobiethon!

2004-09-28T21:04:00.000-04:00

In an effort to raise money for The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, there will be a Boobiethon! Follow the links to find out how to donate money and/or submit your rack shots.

All submissions (rack shots) will be posted online in October. All boobie pictures are anonymous. "...Both gals and guys are welcome to send in their pictures, but only appropriately covered boobies will appear on the main page." (from this site)

Uncovered boobies will be available for viewing for premium donators; minimum donation amount has not yet been decided.

Finally! A really good reason to take pictures of my boobies!

I Have The Answer!!

2004-09-27T19:10:00.000-04:00

While shopping for button-down shirts* (which never fit - never), I had an epiphany. I realized the perfect solution: a way to make shirts that fit:
Sell them by bra size!
They don't have to be by every bra size, but maybe list the a cup designation next to the size, like, "6B" or "10D".
I think this would really work - I think textile technology has advanced to the point where better mass-produced tailoring can be accomplished. And store keep such a tight watch on inventory that this would work for perennials like buttondowns, especially.

*No, I didn't find any that fit.

Reconvening Her Procedure

2004-09-22T23:58:00.000-04:00

The latest post from Dooce just seems terribly tamponblog-friendly. Thought I'd link.
Enjoy!

Guest vs. Hostess

2004-09-19T23:25:00.000-04:00

There are so many "rules" that come in the territory of "being a good guest" and "being a good hostess," wherein both parties are supposed to not offend, etc. It can become pretty difficult to make sure that both sides are behaving "properly."

I came across an interesting dilemma a few days ago when my in-laws arrived for their two-week visit. Of course I want to be a good hostess, and to make their stay at our home as comfortable as possible. Unfortunately, I hit a snag:

My son is sensitive to particular chemicals. Most of these are ingested orally, such as artificial flavors and colors found in many processed foods. However, he is also sensitive to other products which contain artificial ingredients, such as perfume or lotion. Well, I don't wear perfume, so it honestly didn't occur to me that my mother-in-law might. When she arrived with heavy perfume, I faced a problem. I did not want to be a bad hostess by suggesting that she no longer wear perfume; however, I didn't want my son to have a reaction. I mentioned this rather meekly to my husband, figuring that he could be diplomatic with his own mother. Nonetheless, I felt uncomfortable because I wonder where the "line" is: many women are very particular about their "products," so it seems presumptuous to say that they can no longer use a product when visiting our home. After all, many women have a set regimen that includes various scented creams, perfumes, bath products and the like. It is an assault on the personal to suggest they can no longer follow that routine. (In the case of an occasional visit, a perfumed guest would probably not be an issue, but two weeks of exposure might be problematic.)

But it got me thinking about the roles of host(ess) and guest. If we were vegans, would we demand our guests also follow a vegan diet while here? (We are not denying our guests the same foods that my son is allergic to.) If smokers were to visit, I would insist they smoke outside, and far away at that. (But is that bad of me to request?) If I hated the color green, would I insist our guests not wear it (um, no!) If there were a life-threatening allergy like peanuts, I am sure the guests would understand the need to not eat peanut products in the house. But my son's allergy is not life-threatening, so we don't have the same urgent authority to ban a substance. And because it involves "personal products," it poses an uncomfortable situation.

I know I would be caught off guard if I arrived at someone's home to be told that I couldn't follow my usual beauty regimen. I just wonder how my mother-in-law felt when her son talked to her about it (I was out of the room.)

Confirmation from Miss Manners

2004-09-17T17:07:00.000-04:00

Yay! It happened! I received confirmation from Miss Manners regarding something about which I had been curious:

I am "Ms. Cherry Jello," but my husband is "Mr. Apple Pie." As you can imagine, I am frequently addressed as "Mrs. Apple Pie." In the case where this is an innocent error, I politely correct them as breezily as possible so as not to act offended. After all, it is still more common to take one's husband's last name than not.

However, there is a section of people on the "Apple Pie" side of the family who insist on calling us "The Apple Pie Family" or "Mr and Mrs Apple Pie" even though they know that I am "Ms. Cherry Jello." In the case of "The Apple Pie Family," I am slightly less "offended" because 3 of the 4 members of our family are indeed "Apple Pie"s. (Though I do address all our correspondence as "The Apple Pie - Cherry Jello Family") But in the case of "Mr. and Mrs. Apple Pie" I was wondering in the "formal written form" when being addressed next to my husband, whether I was supposed to be referred to as "Mrs. Apple Pie" even though I kept my maiden name.

Well, Mrs. Manners answered the question today in her column! The question itself was slightly different than the one I would have posed, but in her answer she writes, "Miss Manners does indeed realize that etiquette must be updated to meet legitimate changes. She would not dream of addressing a lady as Mrs. with her husband's name if the lady had kept her original surname or preferred the title of Ms."

So. At least I have confirmation that etiquette does not dictate that I still be "Mrs. Apple Pie" when my husband and I are being described as a unit. Of course, I cannot clip the column and send it to the various "Apple Pie" family members because that would be against etiquette!

Ditties in the Salon

2004-09-16T13:28:00.000-04:00

Salon.com has an article about Dittie tampons that explains the advertising notion behind them: a kind of female empowerment that goes against the traditional tampon advertising method of touting the concealability of the tampon. For those of you just tuning in, Ditties are a new brand of tampons that have little "inspirational" messages inside the wrappers.

The posh packaging is primarily aimed at 15-25 year old women, which seems an obvious target; creating brand loyalty in the first decade of menstruation. The way to appeal to these young women is, apparently, through pastels and drawings of fun-loving, fashionable women who are impossibly thin and long-limbed.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Or is there?

Consider this excerpt from the Salon article:

But Oona Newman, a 27-year-old waitress, also from San Francisco, says she won't be buying Ditties anytime soon. "They're offensive!" she says. "These pictures on the box, these perfect women ... It's just another thing making young girls think they have to be skinny and have clear skin -- even if they just want to use a tampon."

Images of toothpick women don't really seem in keeping with the body-positive messages inside the wrappers. Then again, what seventeen-year-old would choose to buy a tampon with a picture of a 'fat girl' on the box? The cold, hard marketing truth is that chic chicks sell. The people at Dittie want to make young women feel body-positive about their menstruation, and they want to achieve this by creating a successful new tampon brand. If they have to use unrealistic body images to sell their product and get their message out, is that okay?

I think it is. Making women feel better about menstruation is a worthy goal on its own, and it is unfair to criticize them for using marketing techniques that improve their chances at success. Their product does more for women's self-esteem than any of the other leading tampon brands, and let's just start with that.

West Wing Wives

2004-09-02T16:37:00.000-04:00

After talking about women in politics and the role of wives, it seems a natural progression to discuss the role of the wife of the president!

Ms. Magazine examined the role of First Lady in their spring issue. Scroll to the bottom of the article for links to their interviews with Teresa Heinz Kerry and Elizabeth Edwards. Interestingly, Laura Bush chose not to respond. Hmmm.

Ms. also recently did a piece that talks about women, communication, and public restrooms!

President or Pampered Housewife?

2004-09-01T18:08:00.000-04:00

In this month's Cosmo, there is an article entitled "An Inside Look at the New Wifestyle" which looks at highly educated women who stop working after marriage.

On the first page of the article is a quote by Susan Shapiro Barash, who authored The New Wife: "These women have a very good education but want a pleasurable, struggle-free life."

Being a housewife is "struggle free"?

Finally, on the third page of the article, the author explains that many of these women hire help for the various traditional household tasks: gardening, cooking, cleaning, and kids. Okay. So that would be more towards "struggle free!" (Although I would believe that each set of problems solved would breed yet another set of problems, so in the end, the lifestyle wouldn't really be struggle free. Consider a housecleaner who steals jewelry, for example. Or simply the lack of privacy in having someone clean your home.)

But regardless of whether a woman hires out help or does the work herself, it is interesting to think about the issues of respect involved. On one hand, these women might be considered pretty smart to have successfully ended up pampered with lots of free time. (Her husband feels Very Big that he is a lucrative enough breadwinner to support her and she feels comfortable being a Queen.) But on the other hand, they can be considered lazy. And for the woman who does balance traditional household and child-rearing responsibilities, the notion that being a housewife is "stuggle free" and that such a woman is "lazy" is troubling. (As I've mentioned before, being a "traditional" housewife is a full-time job!)

One man in the article commented, "I have a really high-pressure job, and the most important thing to me is that my wife can be supportive and not be a stressed-out partner. Besides, she'd probably learn to become a great cook, which would be nice." So this man does seem to believe that his wife would cook for him, not hire help to do so. Does that mean that cooking won't stress her out? And what if she did have a high-pressure job like him: is it just her role to support him and not the other way around? Ugh! But I digress.

Here is the question: If you could financially swing it, would you like to live "the new wifestyle" complete with servants for any task you could imagine? Or would you feel happier being a career woman? Or something in between?

The broader question: How do most women define themselves? Is it love/marriage (Consider Blaire)? High-powered career (Tampons in the WW)? Children?

Can you have it all?

"Tampons in the WW": Politics and Families

2004-09-01T16:14:00.000-04:00

Robert Reich (my favorite politician) caused a big stir when he resigned from Clinton's cabinet to spend more time with his family. Here was the Secretary of Labor, of all people, seeming to say that you couldn't have it all, and that upset some people:

Many women on the fast track, they wrote, were already battling a culture that criticized them for sacrificing too much -- and here I was, seemingly agreeing that a balanced life was incompatible with a high-powered job. Others said while it might be easy for me to find another well-paying job that gave me more time for my family, they didn’t have that option. I was sending the wrong message to people like them too.

He wrote about his decision to resign in this essay.

He also wrote an amazing essay for Ms. magazine, "The Day I Became a Feminist," which takes on some issues about gender and communication that surely influence whether or not women can be seen as effective leaders. Especially if they choose to capitalize on their strengths as women and don't always try to play the game as men do.

The funny thing is, I've known for years that there are feminine and masculine ways of communicating. (All due recognition that generalities are not absolute, etc.) I've been aware on some level that the only way for me to get my voice heard in some meetings is for me to interrupt and talk over men, using a level of aggression that makes me really uncomfortable, but works. I've watched older men in the workplace not hear me say something repeatedly, or dismiss it because of the way I said it. I've gotten in a little bit of trouble for taking issue with the way that something was communicated, for being too sensitive and "hung up on style."

But I never let myself believe that these were real until I read Robert Reich's essay. Is it because he's an astute person, and was able to articulate something that most people wouldn't be able to see because it's so insidious and firmly established in the culture? Or did I always see it just as clearly as he did, but never felt that my views were valid until a man said them? Is that because having an impartial third party confirm your observations is always validating? Or have I bought into the cultural assumptions that men's views, needs, and interests are universal and neutral, and women's are special interests?

Would having a man point out these biases in our culture influence other men in a way that no amount of communication from women ever could? If so, how do you get every man in America to read this essay?

More about "Tampons in the WW": Young Female Politicians

2004-09-01T12:34:00.000-04:00

Senator Blanche L. Lincoln made history on November 3, 1998, when she became the youngest woman ever elected to the United States Senate. (factoid from her 2004 campaign page, link to her Senate page added later by me.) She was born in 1960. So she would be right on that bump when menopause could occur at any time in 2009. Alas, her visibility is not such that she would be likely to be a Presidential candidate that early. But she has had quite a history in politics:

Before becoming a Senator, she had been in the House for two terms. She then annouced she would not seek re-election upon learning she was carrying twins. As you may expect, this created interesting comments from individuals in favor of and against mothers in politics.

Mary Landrieu, also a Senator* and also a mother, wrote a defense Blanche Lincoln (and other young political mothers): Mothers Make Good Senators, Too . It is definitely worth a read.

The fantastic thing about Blanche Lincoln is that she didn't fade away from politics after delivering her twins. She is a Senator today, and currently seeking re-election. Senator Landrieu also has children who are not yet out of the nest.

*(Landrieu ran for a seat in the Louisiana House of Representatives in 1979, becoming the youngest woman ever elected to the state Legislature. She became a Senator in 1996.)

While I was composing this post, my husband said, "There are tampons in the West Wing! Condoleezza Rice works in the WW!" To which I said, "Well, NSF meant the Oval Office bathroom, specifically. " He then responded, "I am sure Jenna & Barbara Bush use it." Then he brought up Monica Lewinsky. I don't even wanna think about it! ;-)

Tampons in the West Wing

2004-08-31T17:20:00.000-04:00

When, if ever, will the Oval Office bathroom need to be equipped with a supply of tampons? Surely someday we'll have a woman president. However, the youngest president so far was 43. Could a woman that young ever be a truly viable candidate?

At the earliest, a woman could be inaugurated in January, 2009. At that point, Hillary Clinton, Carol Moseley Braun, Christine Todd Whitman, and Olympia Snowe will all be 61. Barbara Boxer and Nancy Pelosi will be 68. Madeleine Albright will be 71, and not eligible anyway. Elizabeth Dole will be 72. Dianne Feinstein and Ann Richards will be 75.

If average age of menopause is 51.4 years, our best bet may be Condoleezza Rice, who will be 54.

Did you notice how many of the prominent female politicians were born in 1947? Also born that year: Kim Campbell, the first woman Prime Minister of Canada. I guess that's the baby boom!

Keeping Up Correspondences

2004-08-26T09:51:00.000-04:00

I always feel as though I am not in as close contact with most of my friends as I would wish. Months can go by, even years, without a word on either side. For the past few years, I have attributed this to my inconstant lifestyle; the fact that it's been years since I've felt confident that I would be in the same town or in the same job for longer than a few months. I'll get in touch with them when I get a job, I think to myself. That way, I'll have good news to relate. Well, tomorrow never comes, and correspondence falls by the wayside.

Of course, losing touch is a two-way street. I am no more to blame than they. And after a few years, that sank in, and lately, I've felt a lot less guilt about my inconsistent communications. It really is true that if we've been friends since seventh grade, a little thing like not seeing each other for 4 years isn't going to make lunch awkward when we do meet again. Or just because we were roommates in college, that doesn't mean that years later, we have to be in touch every week. In fact, it's especially nice to catch up after a while and to see how the other has changed and stayed the same; I find it's usually a mixture of both.

I have one particular friend who I haven't heard from in over a year; last summer when I called her number, it was disconnected because she had moved. Two months ago, she called and left me a message with her new number. She wasn't embarrassed that it had been so long, and I'm not upset. On the contrary: I'm excited to be back in touch. I look forward to when we finally are able to catch each other on the line, and set up a dinner date. But I'm patient, too: I think we're going to be friends for a long time, so there's no rush.

Er. Thanks. Um. I think.

2004-08-25T21:21:00.000-04:00

When someone pays a compliment, the typical response is "Thank you." But what if the comment may not be a compliment? Is the potential complimented simply making an observation?

For example, "You are so tall!" How to respond? "Thank you" doesn't seem right. "Yeah, I am" sounds odd. Or "What a big baby!" If it were "what a big butt!" it would definitely not warrant a "thank you!"

I frequently hear "What thick hair!" Sometimes this is quickly followed by an observation about how it must be very difficult to keep it in check. Does that mean that my hair is currently running wild, or that it is sufficiently styled at that moment? (I think "Yes, it can be hard to manage." is a sufficient reply in that case, but without a follow-up statement, I can't tell the intent.)

Since some of these comments are delivered with sympathy, I can sometimes figure out that it isn't a compliment, that it is just an observation. But sometimes I don't know. I don't want to ignore the comment because that would be rude. But to say "thank you" when it wasn't a compliment isn't a good idea. And agreeing with the commenter should it be a compliment is rude, too! (For example: "You have such beautiful eyes" met with "Yes, I do." would be rude! But "Your eyes are so brown" is ambiguous - because maybe the speaker likes brown eyes, maybe they do not.)

So what to do?

I would like to give the observer the benefit of the doubt, in that maybe they wouldn't comment unless it were meant to be a compliment. But I find it hard to say "thank you" in an ambiguous case, especially when the comment is about something I dislike (such as my extremely thick hair) Plus, people these days aren't necessarily of the "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all" camp. And in the case where the comment is outright rude, I guess just silence is appropriate, though if the commenter didn't intend it to be rude, then I end up being the rude one.

There is much over-thinking to do in just a second after the comment is made!

Holiday Card List Shuffle

2004-08-23T16:32:00.000-04:00

No, I am not sending out my holiday cards just yet! Rather, I just finished addressing the last batch of "new baby" cards. While deciding to whom to send the announcements, I realized I have several different categories of people on my list:

1) Family. Whether they send me annoucements/cards themselves, I have to keep them on "The List." The exceptions are more distant family members for whom I don't have current addresses, but am actively seeking.

2) People who send my family cards. This is easy because each year, if we receive a holiday card from someone to whom we haven't sent one, we quickly send one back to them, and add them to "The List."

3) People who have sent my family cards in the past, but who haven't recently. I have started a two-year grace period. I send these people cards for two years without having a reciprocal card, then I scratch them from "The List."

4) Friends-of-family (which usually means friends of my parents or past neighbors)who are important enough that they may have become part of group #3 and therefore scratched from "The List for Holiday Cards" but who should be informed of "big deal" things like marriage and new babies. Therefore, these people are temporarily reinstated on "The List." (Perhaps they will then go into category #2 if they realize they've lost contact with us and send us a note.)

5) People who are important to me but who actually haven't sent holiday (or other) cards in the past. These are people who would ordinarily be "cut" after the two-year grace period, but I know that there are other reasons that they may not send cards. First, they may not be the holiday card sort. If they send cards to nobody, then I shouldn't feel entitled to a card myself. Second, they may be very busy and forget (or be unable) to send cards for a few years. I still want to keep them abreast of my events and wish to let them know I care about them, so I don't mind whether they send cards or not.

I wonder how many people in category #3 who have been "cut" should actually still be on "The List" because they fall into the "not-sending-cards" subset of my category #5. Some of these people may still want to know what is going on in my life, but just aren't the card-sending sort. But, my hope is that if that were the case, that these people would at least email / call me to touch base. So I hope I haven't offended anyone!

Juggling people from these lists can be difficult! I certainly don't want to "cut" anyone too early (like my maid-of-honor who I gave a four-year grace period in the desperate hope that she would contact me in any manner whether to say "hi" or to say that I had offended her in some manner. She should be in category #5, but since nobody has heard from her, I wonder if she doesn't want to be contacted.)

The tricky thing about sending annoucements is that some may view these as solicitation for gifts. This is a particular concern about people who I haven't been in contact with recently. I hope that they will view my annoucement as a happy form of contact rather than "gimme a gift."

(Wait, this post isn't about menstruation! Well, I figured that since we've discussed etiquette issues in the past, this was safe territory.)

A real job for a stay-at-home-mom

2004-08-23T16:07:00.000-04:00

This weekend, I was discussing cars with some folks. I indicated a preference for a particular expensive car, to which one man said "Well, when you get a job, you can get whatever car you want!"

My first thought was that I do have a part-time paying job, and then a full-time job maintaining the household, and the health and happiness of my sons. In my opinion, I have many jobs and I work just as hard at them as someone who receives money for their efforts. Truth be told, I had heard this argument from stay-at-home moms and full-time homemakers before, and didn't really understand the validity of the statement. I thought it was just crazy feminist whining. But now I understand.

Or, I could take the man's statment to mean "When you are earning more money, you can get whatever car you want!" but even that has insulting undertones. If it meant that I have to contribute to the household financially in order to choose how to spend that money, that is insulting. If it means that the breadwinner of the household (my husband) doesn't earn enough for that particular expensive car, then that isn't insulting my stay-at-home status; however, I cannot see someone making that same comment to a man.

Something else in the same realm that gets under my skin is that a father is "watching" or "babysitting" his own children if the mom isn't present. That implies that it is the default responsibility for the mother to take care of the children, yet when the father does it, his task is considered a job - babysitting. If it is a "job" for the man, then it is certainly a "job" for the mother.

Similarly, it is frustrating to hear what a wonderful father my husband is because he takes care of the kids, such as chasing one around the park while I hold the other or vice versa. Yes, he is a caring father. But nobody goes out of their way to say what a fantastic mom I am for taking our kids to the park!

Is it time for Blaire to get married?

2004-08-18T19:42:00.000-04:00

Check out this website first, then come back here, and consider these questions:

Is, perhaps, her work history a bit intimidating to would-be suitors?
What do you think she thinks of the J.Lo vehicle The Wedding Planner?
Is this website actually just a clever marketing ploy for her self-run business?
Discuss.

Full Disclosure: When I first saw the link (via MeFi), I thought it was some weird Facts of Life followup.

Recipro-linkage

2004-08-16T14:08:00.000-04:00

If you have a link to our blog on your site, and want us to return the favor, please leave a comment to that effect on the most recent post on this site. Remember to include your website's url in the request.

Guilty Pleasures

2004-08-13T16:12:00.000-04:00

I cannot wait to see The Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement. It came out on Wednesday, and I've been desperate to get to the movie theater. Evidently, I have the film tastes of a 14-year old girl.

So, I've been musing a lot recently about guilty pleasures. Chick Flicks. Chick Lit. Pop music. Reality TV. Anything on the WB. The stuff that you know isn't art, that you're not proud of enjoying, but that is pure, simple pleasure. Admit it, if you're in the car alone, and Air Supply comes on the radio, don't you roll up the windows and sing along? I have a really impressive chick lit collection, and I'm generous about lending novels to friends. However, it's all stored upstairs. The living room bookshelf is stocked with books I'm proud of having read, like Nickel and Dimed and The Botany of Desire. Boys have their fluffy movies, too, but they're called "Summer Blockbusters." There's no shame in saying that you saw Spiderman 2. But are you going to announce around the water cooler on Monday morning that you saw—and loved—Little Black Book?

I think it's unfortunate that chick lit and flicks are so scorned, because they're never really reviewed for what they are. That leaves the consumer on her own, with no useful advice other than word of mouth, to sort out the excellent (Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl) from the enjoyable (13 Going on 30) from the total and utter waste of $10 (Jemima J).

What we need is a reputable source of chick lit/flick reviews. One that takes them seriously for what they are. What would be the criteria? Certainly its usefulness as escapism. A heroine you can identify with. A fun soundtrack. A makeover, shopping, or other fun transition scene that will never get old. I'd prefer to have the humor not come from cringe-inducing embarrassment for the characters. And, frankly, if the point of the movie is fun, I'd rather that the crisis of the plot be as gentle and short as possible. By this criteria, an ideal movie was Clueless. The majority of the movie is fun that you can watch over and over again. The lowest emotional point is still enjoyable, because she simply wanders around a mall with a great song playing. You're never really embarrassed for the main character. There are probably those who would argue that the plot is too shallow to be enjoyable, that without depressing lows you can't really appreciate the happy ending. Pshaw.

The Better Part of Valor

2004-08-10T14:31:00.000-04:00

I have learned a lesson about sharing personal information with friends and acquaintances. I assumed that anything told to other women, in hushed tones, in private, about private matters, would be understood to be personal and sensitive information. But, once you share information with someone, it belongs to both of you. And naturally, people want to ask for updates. If only I thought about how casually those updates might be asked for!

Over the weekend, I bumped into my real estate agent, who asked me a very personal question in a crowd waiting outside a restaurant! (I think that the stress and amount of time involved in real estate transactions creates these relationships of artificial, instant intimacy, and I foolishly confided something in my real estate agent as though she were a friend.)

Recently, a girlfriend ask me for an update, in front of her significant other. Now, she probably tells him everything I say when I'm not there, but knowing that he might know, and discussing it with him myself are two different things. I tried to make a joke out of changing the subject, saying that I didn't want to embarrass the S.O. She persisted, so I joked that "Gosh, if we cover that, the only topic left to scare S.O. away would be talking about our periods!" The friend then launched into a discussion about her flow! That wasn't the topic change I had in mind, but it worked!

I'm probably a prude, but if I don't want to risk being caught off guard by topics of conversation, I need to be more discreet with how I share! And realize that just because something embarrasses me doesn't mean that my friends will be embarrassed for me.

Pee is for Period, and That's Good Enough for Me!

2004-08-03T09:56:00.000-04:00

I pee a lot. My nickname should be The Urinator. And in the first day or two of my period, it's much worse. I don't know if the uterine spasms are triggering my bladder to spasm, or if it's the PMS water retention being released.

I did some web searching to try to find an explanation, and came up with nothing.

I'm having a hard time getting work done, because I'm getting up every 10-20 minutes to pee. I wonder what I'd be like pregnant? Maybe I'd need to take a laptop into the bathroom and just camp out all day!

Low-Carb, Low-Flow

2004-08-02T14:31:00.000-04:00

When I was eating low-carb, I didn't experience any great (or lasting) weight loss, but I did notice a that my period got significantly lighter. Now that I'm back to a moderate intake of carbs, I can't believe how heavy my period is. I'm honestly not sure if it's heavier than ever, or if I got spoiled and now "normal" feels excessive.

With all the trips I've been making to the bathroom to cope with this, I've been fantasizing about a period that you could get over and done with (including emotional turbulence) in an hour. It would have to be something that you could control the timing of a bit, because you wouldn't want a bursting Hoover Dam scenario while out and about. I imagine that it wouldn't be a pleasant experience, but it would be over with quickly and normal life could resume. I'd be willing to sit on the toilet with a book for an unpleasant hour and have it be over. That said, I would not be willing to go even farther and have a hellish 15 minutes, or an excruciating 2 minutes. But an unpleasant hour that gets it over with, assuming I could control the timing, I'd go for. It's like how one good vomit is better than a day of queasiness.

I'd also consider going the other direction and having a 10-day period that was so light that I'd never, ever have to worry about leakage.

Better yet, what about a period that you could start and stop at will? Wouldn't it be great if you could void your uterus periodically the way you void your bladder? Think of the money and landfill space we'd save on feminine products! Having your period would hardly effect your daily life!

I've got a carrot up my...

2004-07-28T17:57:00.000-04:00

As I disrobed to take my shower this morning, I was laughing at how there are three parts of disposable pad to remove first: one "down there" and two breast pads... but, at least I don't have cabbage in my bra. Actually, as the author states, it is apparently a wonderful thing. But, I've not tried it. Wonder if cabbage can de-bag eyes? Cucumber is pretty soothing for the eyes and has a nice smell. Smelling the cabbage might be a different story. Is it zucchini or cucumber that apparently clears up pores?

Veggies are amazing things.

PMS is just another word for dismissing feelings

2004-07-27T22:18:00.000-04:00

I once had it explained to me this way, and it is the way that I explain it to every boyfriend I have had since:

When my hormones affect my mood or emotions, they amplify what already exists, they don't make up new situations. This means that any problems I have when I'm "pms-ing" are problems I already have and just haven't shared, or haven't shared as openly. Some people even say that the hormone levels women have at PMS are most similar to men's normal hormone levels; that we are at our most hormonally-male.
Sometimes my hormones make me misrepresent the intensity of my feelings about an issue or a problem; when that happens, I will let you know. Otherwise, any dismissal on your part of my thoughts and feelings based on your diagnosis of my hormone level will be considered what it is: a dismissal of my thoughts and feelings.

This, of course, necessitates having a boyfriend who will listen to all of that. But you can be damned sure that I say it. Please note, however, I DO promise in there that I will point out "hormonal overages", and I did that just last night. I believe my exact words, through the sobbing, were, "I'm really not this upset about it; imagine I'm not crying, okay?"

Aw, she's just PMSing...

2004-07-27T20:02:00.000-04:00

NSF's thought about the "fear of having justifiable work-related irritation written off as PMS" below (in the comments section) reflects something I think about a lot after having an argument with someone or after my husband asks "is something wrong?" or "you look mad" or anything of that nature.

Sometimes, yes, it is probably hormones making me more sensitive to certain circumstances. But at the same time, there are frequently circumstances that warrent reaction. Perhaps if I am not "PMSing", I can compose myself enough to not show emotion about a particular situation on the outside, but that doesn't necessarily mean the situation is "okay." And sometimes I have an outward reaction about a situation that occurs nowhere near my period.

I'll double-guess myself: does the situation really matter, or is my reaction to it hormone-induced? (Am I expecting my period in a couple days? Am I ovulating? Is there some other reason that I am more sensitive? ... Or is this a genuine reaction?)

A couple days ago, my husband actually said to me (while I was crying) "Is there something wrong, or is it just hormones?" He then laughed and said, "Bet that makes the blog!" Clearly, he was just joking with me... but there is definitely some truth to what he was asking.

It is frustrating that sometimes (frequently?) women aren't taken seriously because "Aw, she's probably just PMSing." And yet, sometimes it is true... where the emotional self takes over the rational self - but what if the rational self actually agrees with the emotional self: how to know when it is appropriate?

As a psuedo-aside... as a youngster, I was determined to have chemical sensitivity to particular things, so avoided eating or using products with those chemicals (read about it at the Feingold Association website) Basically, I became hyper, more emotional, etc. when I ingested certain chemicals. So when I would cry or be very angry, etc., my parents would automatically assume that I had cheated on my diet... but what if I really was angry, or very sad, etc? It was difficult to be legitimately stressed out about something, and then have my mom assume not only that my reaction wasn't warranted, but that I had cheated on my diet (when I hadn't.) So it is a similar situation to the whole PMS issue.

A Poll

2004-07-27T09:43:00.000-04:00

You're at work. You need to go to the restroom with a feminine product. You have no pockets. Do you stick your tampon/pad/whatever up your sleeve or in the waist of your pants? Do you close your fist around it? Do you head to the restroom carrying your purse? Do you make no effort to be discreet? Does who you have to pass on the way make a difference?

not-so-Smurfy

2004-07-23T16:15:00.000-04:00

My powder really let me down. I was recently in an outdoor, summer wedding. I started out with okay makeup, but I just kept sweating. I used oil-absorbing sheets, and I wiped off the sweat as much as I could, but I stayed flushed and sweaty. So, I kept piling on the powder. The problem is, my powder is (or rather, was) Clean & Clear Shine Control Invisible Powder, which has a blue tint to counteract any redness in the skin. By the end of the evening, judging from the photos, I had a really eerie blue tint. Not Smurf blue, and not blue like Zhaan from Farscape, but a very pale blue haze.
It probably wouldn't have been as obvious if I were not very, very fair-skinned.
So now I need a new powder. Or to stop worrying about looking shiny in pictures in the summer.

Instructions on the wrapper

2004-07-16T00:31:00.000-04:00

At many Chinese food restaurants, the chopsticks come in a wrapper that outlines directions for how to use the chopsticks.
When served lobster, especially as part of a cookout or other large group, there are usually placemats instructing you how to break/eat the lobster.
Nobody seems to be put off or insulted by this, and I think the key here is that it's assumed that the instructional items are not any kind of hint to the patron, but just part of the wrapping.
Maybe what weddings need is to have some kind of innocuous wrapped item that people get that reminds them of what they should do. Just like with chopsticks or lobster placemats, it helps the guest know what's expected. I'm thinking this is a project for the maids of honor of the world - figure out how to tastefully get guests to behave well.
Maybe if the info is printed in small type across the back of all envelopes and invitations, like a background/wallpaper kind of thing?

Chicken? Fish? Prime Rib?

2004-07-14T13:44:00.000-04:00

Unplugged, I think I also remember being able to rely on the hostess to keep track of who is eating what. Of course, the concept of picking out your meal ahead of time is relatively new, but we can only fight the system so much. I think that the problem really arises when you don't have a place card that can be color-coded in some way for the waiters, just a card to tell you which table to sit at. Our generation would pitch hissy fits if they weren't seated RIGHT NEXT TO their date. God forbid they wouldn't be able to play footsie or argue over whose turn it is to empty the kitty litter box during dinner and would have to -gasp- make charming conversation with strangers and acquaintances. If you were to tell people exactly which chair to sit in, the etiquette books would tell you to mix up the couples and personalities. But you can count on 20-somethings trading places with each other to sit near their dates. So, the modern custom is to just assign people to tables, and those cards are a little harder to creatively code with meals, and no magazine or banquet manager ever reminds the bride to think it through.

At a wedding I was in recently, there was a table of bud vases (the favor) with little ribbons tying on little cards with each guest's name and table number. The cards were made of vellum and card stock, and the vellum was color-coded for the meal, so the waiters never had to ask us to remember. There was a lesson to be learned about fresh flowers (or anything that has to be refrigerated) making table cards WAY too complicated, but the color coding system was great.

Still, that's the only wedding I've been to recently that I wasn't asked to remember what I ordered when I promptly rsvped 6-8 weeks earlier. Including my own wedding. So my new system is to order one each of the two non-vegetarian options, knowing that inevitably Mr. not-so-fresh and I will each prefer what the other has and trade.

Menaces to Society

2004-07-14T11:04:00.000-04:00

I think I will blame Hippie Parents for this generation's disasterous disgrace in non-RSVPing. Hippie Parents who rejected social traditions, and in so doing, denied their children an education therein.
But I don't think it excuses the behavior, because even most Hippie Parents taught their children to read, and the invitations do SAY to RSVP. So maybe it's not them.

I like MissManners' suggestion to cut the offenders from the list. Unfortunately, or rather, Hopefully, nobody has more than one Bridal Shower, so what we really need is a Master Blacklist of RSVP Offenders.
For your first offense, you get a verbal warning (a phone call following up)
Second offense: a third party sends you a handwritten card kindly informing you about how important RSVPs are to the host/ess.
Third offense: no more polite society for you, you thoughtless douchebag. You're blacklisted. Didn't you take the hints?

That said...
Here's my weakness - at absolutely every wedding I attend, I forget what I ordered for my meal. I mean, I did send back that RSVP, and it was a long time ago, and it's when I sent back the RSVP for all the weddings, back in late spring when they arrive and I do my summer schedule.
And I'm not the only one: A fellow I was sitting next to at a wedding recently, when asked what he had ordered for his entree, responded, I think I had the Prime Rib. I reminded him that at this wedding, the options were only Vegetarian or Salmon. He had a good excuse, though; this was his fourth wedding this summer.
And that is when this idea popped into my head, to employ for all weddings I get invited to in the future:
I DO SOLEMNLY PROMISE that when I fill out the RSVP with my entree choice, I will record said choice in or on the invitation itself, which is always kept with the directions, and always brought in my purse to the wedding.
This will change everything!

(Wasn't there once a time when your seating card included what you ordered? Or am I making that up? I seriously think I recall the entree being listed with my table number, but the last time that happened was years ago.)

R.S.V.P. Slackers

2004-07-14T10:17:00.000-04:00

Wow. The Miss Manners column today really sounded familiar to me. The "Gentle Reader's" sister had thrown a bridal shower, and the percentage who didn't bother to rsvp was pretty appalling.

The part that really horrified me was that when my sister would finally contact one of the people who hadn't responded, they would act like it was somehow her bad manners to have asked them to respond in the first place. (I want to make clear that these reminders were upbeat and gentle.) The comments fell into several categories, but the most offensive was "I haven't decided yet, I might go to another party. You should relax." This was three days before the event.

I threw a lovely bridal shower recently where I really did need to know how many people were coming. I was borrowing folding chairs, because I didn't want anyone to have to sit on my floor in a skirt. We ate on real plates with real silverware, but I only had enough silverware for the exact number who'd rsvp'd. Two high school friends of the bride ignored my phone calls and emails asking if they were coming, and I nearly had a heart attack when they arrived. (A grace under fire, perfect hostess, invisible heart attack, of course!) When the godmother of the bride didn't rsvp, I called twice. She totally blew me off two days before the shower, saying that she had a prior engagement but would try to come. Her tone of voice implied that inviting her to the shower, let alone calling to see if she could come, was a huge imposition. It would have been fine for her to just say that unfortunately she had a prior commitment. Did she feel like it would have been rude to say no, and so left it dangling to not hurt anyone's feelings? We also had to delay the meal for almost an hour, because so many people were late. It looked like the whole 20-something generation had never seen a party where the food was more elaborate than chips and salsa and therefore showing up at any given time wasn't important. Of course, that was much easier than the whole family of the bride showing up much earlier than agreed upon, and arriving before I'd gotten dressed!

And yet more from me today...

2004-07-13T18:20:00.000-04:00

Gee, I thought new moms were so stressed they couldn't blog. Shut her up already

(Dear husband has the baby and 3 year old son is taking a forced nap, so I am temporarily FREE! Get some sleep! Don't blog!)

Tampons and pads aren't the only absorbant medium necessary for female consumption... there is a whole world of breast pads out there for perusal: disposable, permanent, wool, plastic, cotton, etc.

With my first child, I had some expensive wool pads. I had heard that disposable pads weren't as absorbant and that they were harsher on the sensitive breast. So I went with the wool. The natural lanolin was supposed to soothe the breast and the wool was supposed to be really absorbant. Well, they did work pretty decently - they were a bit itchy, but were otherwise confortable. They were HOT, but that was okay because my first son was a winter baby. But, they weren't exceptionally absorbant; I still had leaks. But I figured that my engorgement, etc. was simply too much for any pad, anyway, so I didn't see this as a flaw.

Well, for my second son, born July 2nd, I didn't want to use the hot wool pads, so I tried Lansinoh's First Days Nursing Pads. I had liked their pure lanolin ointment, so trusted that I could try their disposable pads. I figured if they weren't so good, it wouldn't matter because I'd just double-up or use a lot of the disposable pads during the engorgement period. I didn't want to have to wait for my wool pads to dry out!

The verdict? This product is amazing. No, they didn't pay me to say that. Truly. This product is fantastic. They are indeed "pillow soft" and I have had NO leaks. None. I can tell when I have leaked into the pad because it leaves a little gel inside the body of the pad (like a disposable diaper), but the pad catches everything and stays dry against my breast. Amazing! And the lanolin ointment can go on the pad but won't be absorbed, so the benefit of the ointment remains, while the inconvenience of wet pads is no more!

So... for anyone wondering what to use post-partum, seriously give 'em a try!

More Fun Facts About Lochia!

2004-07-13T18:10:00.000-04:00

Just in case you were wondering (and most of you aren't):

After the first several days post-partum, the aforementioned pad usually stays pretty clean... UNTIL:

1) Breastfeeding causes the uterus to clamp down on itself. This clots the vessels that once led to the placenta. So after one breastfeeding session, it is typically necessary to change the pad.

2) Lifting heavy objects will cause bleeding. "Heavy" has new meaning post-partum. Like my 3 year old son. He didn't used to be heavy. Don't lift heavy objects.

3) This is the fun one... Stress will cause bleeding. It is funny to see what is considered stressful. I will be totally dry, and then something will happen to annoy me (or make me sad, or one of the other fun post-partum emotions) and BINGO! "Gee, I didn't realize that was quite as stressful as my body seems to think it was!" ... "Lemme check your pants to see if you were really as stressed out as you say you are."

Super, Long, and Polka-Dotted

2004-07-13T17:47:00.000-04:00

Awhile back, we were discussing brand loyalty to tampons. I had jumped in saying that I was definitely loyal to o.b., but at the time, I didn't really consider loyalty to any pads.

This is true primarily because since I use a tampon 99% of the time I have my period, the pad is used just as double-protection in case I leak. (Also, I used pads during pregnancy for stress based incontinence, a fun side effect of having one's bladder pressed on and of the pelvic floor becoming weak after a previous birth.) So the actual type of pad is less important than that there is just something there "just in case."

But after giving birth, a pad is necessary. The extra built-up uterine lining has to leave, and as the blood vessels that once went to the placenta heal, clots and other such fun pieces of tissue, etc. need to exit as well. Since the vaginal area has to heal from giving birth, tampons aren't allowed (for about six weeks.) So a pad it is.

So I have a couple thoughts:

First -- I wonder why hospital length maternity pads are not available commercially. The only reason I can come up with is that these super-long, super-absorbant pads are typically not needed after the first couple days of bleeding, and typically the new mom is still in the hospital at that point. (And the hospital usually lets the patient take home a box.) Still, it would be nice to have the option to purchase these super catch-all pads. (Incidentally, right after birth, using TWO pads along with a huge plastic-backed absorbancy sheet can't catch all the stuff. Nice image, eh?) Also, it is difficult to walk properly with such a large pad, so maybe drugstores and pad manufacturers realize that most new moms don't want to continue the waddle they perfected during the last stages of pregnancy. (Of course, if there are lots of stitches down there, the waddle will remain, but I digress...)

Second -- I never really thought about all the different types of pads out there. I have absolutely no clue which is best for me! I've always just grabbed whatever is at CostCo, or whatever is on sale - no matter the brand, winged or not, dri-weave or cotton, etc. But given that I needed something super-absorbant and long for my lochia, I figured that would be enough information to go on. My mother bought me the first pack of pads: long, super, winged, with dri-weave. She had purchased a generic brand, and therefore they were reasonably priced. They worked perfectly! So then I asked my husband to get the same generic, long, super pack. (At which point, he tilted his head to the side and said, "I must be a good husband to be getting... products... for my wife." Of course, he has never had trouble with picking up such things for me - so he admitted he wanted to be mentioned in the blog!) At any rate, dear husband brought back the generic brand, long, and super... but not dri-weave and without wings. Well, I didn't even think to mention those features because I figured "generic, long, super" would yield only one type of pad. WRONG! Even the generic brand had ten-million versions.

How confusing!

Rock the Vote on C.J.'s Placenta!

2004-07-02T15:33:00.001-04:00

Cherry Jello's post about what women do with their placentas was informative (who knew that a placenta looked like a cross between raw liver and a jelly fish?), funny, and not a little bit gross! Exactly what I think this blog should be. So, I think that we should open up to public voting (via the comments section) what C.J. should do with her own placenta! Naturally, she wouldn't be obligated to follow our suggestions, but I am hoping that she'll at least tell us how it all turns out.

Tampon Sample Update

2004-07-01T11:39:00.000-04:00

My free sample of o.b. Silk Ease tampons arrived yesterday in the mail.

There are four tampons in the sample to the Dittie's two... so on that, o.b. Silk Ease gets points...

But the Ditties arrived super-fast (much faster than o.b.!) and included stickers, a plastic marketing diary, and other random (though not really needed) trinkets... so on that, Ditties gets points...

So now I just have to wait to try both out to see which gets the points in an actual use situation!

Penis and Placenta Power!

2004-06-29T19:54:00.000-04:00

First a funny (or "disturbing") story: My 3 year old son seems to think that his penis has healing properties. He saw I had a cut on my foot, so straddled it, pressed his penis against the injury and said, "pfweep, pfweep! Owie all gone!" He proceeded to check the rest of my body for "owies" as I was trying to explain I didn't want him sticking his penis all over me.

OK. Back to the actual task -- as I go into labor sometime in the next few days, my thoughts are naturally occupied with stuff relating to that whole process. I remember through my first pregnancy being bombarded with suggestions on what to do after the birth as a healing, nurturing act - many of these included things to do with the placenta: some families plant a tree with it. (Bet you could nurture a tree with menstrual blood, for those who use The Keeper and other methods that would enable collection of the blood.) Others create art. Then some eat or drink it. I remember babbling about this right after I gave birth to my son. My doctor was amused. I later read in a birthing manual how the new mom is supposed to become really talkative right after the delivery of the placenta. I laughed when I realized I had indeed spouted all kinds of information - and it was all about the placenta! I really hope I can keep quiet this time around. ;-)

I didn't do anything fancy with my placenta; it was discarded as is typical hospital procedure. However, the one thing that I wish I could have changed about hospital procedure was the disposal of the cord blood. All throughout my first pregnancy, I looked up various banks and saw that all were insanely priced. No matter, I thought. I figured I'd at least have it collected and donated to a public bank. I didn't necessarily want the blood for my child - rather, I just wanted the valuable stem cells to be available to someone. But even donating cord blood to public banks takes big bucks. The retrieval kit is expensive. Then there is the matter of whether the hospital is willing to retrieve the blood. I can guarantee you that had I brought a cord retrieval kit, the hospital wouldn't have used it in the flurry of activity that surrounded the birth of my child. I would have been out A LOT of money. The retrieval process is actually quite quick and easy, and it is a real shame that it isn't simply done automatically and the blood banked publicly. It could really help medical research. Sigh. (The irony is that the hospital where I delivered is the teaching hospital for an Ivy League medical school that includes top scientific researchers - but their actual hospital procedures do not match this and I found my care there abysmal.)

Update

2004-06-25T15:51:00.000-04:00

Snopes.com on dioxins in tampons.

Eco-Periods

2004-06-25T15:34:00.001-04:00

In the July/August 2004 Utne, (sorry, no free online edition) there's an article about ecologically sound feminine products. "Your pantry shelves are brimming with organic, fair-trade, shade-grown, and free-range food. You opt for recycled paper and biodegradable detergent. But lurking beneath your bathroom sink is a pile of crinkly, pink, elaborately packaged menstrual supplies. You're not alone: Many women continue to use disposable tampons and pads, despite the ecoconsciousness that governs the rest of their purchases." The article discusses various feminine products that aren't bleached (dioxin paranoia), aren't cotton (pesticide-intensive agriculture), aren't disposable, and/or aren't absorbant (TSS concerns). It talks about that reusable cup that you rinse out, sea sponges, and cloth pads like our grandmothers'. They also discuss a few radical groups of women, like Bloodsisters and the Tampaction Campaign.

Now, I've always been a little suspicious of the paranoia about dioxins, especially since until this I'd only heard panic about them in these stupid alarmist e-mail forwards about asbestos in tampons that invariably linked to some company's non-bleached tampons. If the FDA and the EPA both say that the amount of dioxin in a tampon is safe, am I going to decide that they're wrong based on the word of people who can't cite studies, and who call tampax the great evil? The Tampaction web site's guide book includes a photo of some unused feminine products in the dirt, as though they're illustrating the used feminine products filling up landfills. The also put a picture of some unnammed industrial smoke stack next to a paragraph about the chemicals in tampons. Evocative clip art, or irresponsible pseudo-illustration aimed at those who are too naive to read critically?

I'm totally on board with reducing the amount of garbage that goes into landfills, with supporting small businesses over mega-corporations, and with using products whose manufacturing does minimal harm to the environment. However, the ecologically sound menstruation lobby has completely turned me off by linking these legitimate complaints with unsubstantiated claims and radical rhetoric. Am I wrong here? Can the tampax corporation buy whatever study results they want, leaving the grassroots organizers no way to ensure unbiased scientific answers? Is the FDA really in the pocket of Johnson & Johnson? Am I a bad liberal because I have trouble taking seriously women who advocate the natural experience of using no feminine products at all? Think about the environmental impact of all that extra laundry!

Coincidentally, in the same issue: "Blogging Off," an essay about how the authors' friends' blogs ruined her life. It was reprinted from this essay in the Village Voice.

Peeing Standing Up for height and distance

2004-06-23T19:39:00.000-04:00

not-so-fresh's post about Foundation Garments reminded me of this one night when I was drinking some beers around a campfire, and some of us ladies went off in the woods to pee, and two of them decided to see who could pee farther. One, I think her name was Elise, had this particular technique which involves reaching down to the ground behind you (like that cheesy dance move) and then, on all fours, you can create quite an impressive trajectory. So these two women had a pee-off.
No, I didn't participate... I had stage fright.

Anyone else have a tale of stunt-peeing?

Shampoo Suggestions

2004-06-20T15:29:00.000-04:00

I can't seem to find Clairol's ReNewal shampoo anymore, and I really liked it. Anyone really happy with their shampoo, please comment and try to talk me into your product. I have long, generally straight hair that tends to frizz a bit in the heat. I'm looking for a product that would strengthen more than de-frizz, though.
I'm happy with my conditioner: Pantene Smooth and Sleek.

"Foundation Garments"

2004-06-15T16:05:00.000-04:00

Call it "shapewear," call it a "body briefer," call it a "foundation garment." A girdle by any other name is still uncomfortable. And if it's not uncomfortable, it's probably not very effective.

I needed something new for my summer of weddings, in one of which I'm wearing an a-line bridesmaid's dress that's cut on the bias. (Translation: cling cling cling!) I needed something that would smooth out my rolls a bit (and a regular bra would create them, as would regular underwear, in the waist and saddlebag region). I found this, which I thought would be great, because the legs would continue the smoothing right past my two hip bumps, and not create a big roll right where shapewear usually ends mid-hip. HOWEVER, I neglected to think about the powdering my nose factor.

With the ones that end mid-hip, there's usually a crotch that has three bra-style hooks. Very challenging to operate when the "shapewear" is nice and snug, but usable. I didn't think through what it would mean to have the thing go down to near my knees, and I ordered three different styles online rather than trying them on in the store. Some have a crazy contraption where there's a hole in the outfit that's covered over by the regular snappy closure, but the one that I liked best ended up having a split crotch. yikes!

I recently wore the thing in public for the first time, and for my four bathroom trips (I even purposefully dehydrated myself a bit, but what can you do?) I just wasn't brave enough to attempt to pee through the split crotch. What if I missed or splattered a bit? How could I sit through a wedding reception if I smelled like pee? And how could I rinse out an accident and dry the thing in the bathroom with no hot air hand dryers? So, four times I completely stripped and redressed. This was extra difficult because I had a zipper in back that was hard to get myself, and I had little tiny ribbon straps with snaps sewn into the top to go around the bra straps, so that everything would stay in place. I had to work those darn snaps so many times! I never timed how long my bathroom trips took, but I wonder if anyone wondered about me. And I missed the groom's dance with his mother.

Obviously, I need to practice with this garment, but who wants to put on such a difficult to get into piece of clothing to go pee? Of course, if it is possible for me to reliably pee without having to strip, that would sure make my life easier the next time I have to wear it.

Clueless

2004-06-02T01:51:00.000-04:00

At 8pm last Friday (the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend, let us remember!), my husband took a call on our home line from a web client of mine. (I was sleeping; I am pregnant and very tired!) How did the client get my home number? I dunno.

It is bad enough that he phoned that late after "business hours" on a Friday. (And to my home number, no less.)

And it is bad enough that he phoned on a Friday before a three day weekend.

But even worse is that he saw me two days prior and saw that I am super-pregnant.

So why does he chose this particular weekend to pick up the rather large web project he abandoned in July of 2003?

When I see a very pregnant woman, I figure she is no longer working so that she can get ready for the birth, be "accessible" in case labor comes early, and so forth. I probably wouldn't think to suddenly call her to do a bunch of web work for me (unless he thinks he'd better get it done now before I give birth - even so, that shows the difference in perspective!)

Other Priorities Come To Mind.

UPDATE: I emailed the guy yesterday with the information I needed from him to complete his request. (I had waited until yesterday since that was the first "business day" after Memorial Day Weekend.) Sure enough, in his response this morning, instead of just giving me content for the one page that is empty (which he didn't give, incidentally), he lists changes for a bunch of other stuff. And based on the history of this particular site, he will then have more stuff to change once the first batch is done. At some point, he's going to get an email from my husband saying, "Um. My wife is in the hospital having a baby, so she can't do that next set of changes!"

Package of Ditties!

2004-06-02T01:47:00.000-04:00

My free Ditties arrived! (Have yours, NSF?)

The free sample arrived along with a shiny plastic version of the "Dittie Diary: Pt 1," some stickers, and a note from the founder encouraging the whole "pass it on."

Really, amazing marketing. Almost makes me eager to try 'em out...

Lil Spotty There!

2004-05-26T15:06:00.000-04:00

Has anyone here actually seen a woman with a monthly-accident?

I've had many experiences where I have been absolutely sure I am leaking... and a couple times have indeed leaked to the point where someone might see something from the outside...

Yet I've never actually noticed leakage on another woman.

Odd. And yet comforting. Because if I have been nonobservant enough to not notice others' spills, then on the occasions where I've had difficulty, I shouldn't be paranoid.

I have had friends ask me, "Uh... do you see... uh... anything on my backside?" But my answer has always been "no," though I wonder if I were to crouch down to look more between her legs if something might be visible. Not that I want to do that, of course.

Meanwhile, I once sat in a large plate of nachos during a hockey game (my siginficant other's fault for putting the food on my seat while I was standing up cheering)... so I've definitely had visible "salsa ass" in public.

Confession

2004-05-21T17:00:00.000-04:00

I thought about posting this on my own blog, because it's work-related, but it's too tamponbloggy to go anywhere else but here.

I went to the bathroom earlier today, and while in one of the stalls, I started thinking about how the Napkin Disposal bins are built into the stall partitions in such a way that one bin serves two stalls. That led me to think about how funny it would be if women were pushing in the metal flaps both at the same time, and getting in each other's way, which I've never heard of happening, but it must, it must!
Then the whole thing reminded me of Confession at church; the little sliding door and the grate and all of that.
Very much like.

Tolerance: Difference in Perception or Difference in Reality?

2004-05-21T16:06:00.000-04:00

I've often wondered... those happy, bouncy women in tampon commercials: do they simply have really mild cramps, a high tolerance for pain, or are they really brave (or drunk)?

Some women shrug off menstrual cramps, and others (like me) are typically bedridden. So are the former women braver and stronger, whereas the latter are wimpy? Or do the former really have mild cramps whereas the latter really do experience a more painful situation?

Difference in perception, or difference in reality?

And the same story goes for labor - there are many labor stories abound, from those women who barely felt a thing to others who go through hours/days of pain.

I figure there is a combination of factors and that there are some gals who have really mild cramps who just like the attention of complaining about heavy cramps... and some with heavy cramps who are just so strong and brave that they shrug them off anyway.

But it still makes me wonder how wide the spectrum...

(One of my worst female related memories was at my first gynocological visit for my first pelvic. The doctor, who happened to be female, told me it would be "mildly uncomfortable." When I started to cry - as silently as possible - , she kept saying "It is just mildly uncomfortable!" while shaking her head disapprovingly. Meanwhile, I was thinking it was one of the most painful things I had ever experienced. Was she a loose ho who had never had pain in that area, or was I a whiny wimp?)

Similarly, I wonder about tolerance for other things... Like in relationships: Are Person A's flaws just totally out of line, or is Person B a total bitch who cannot see her own flaws? Is Person B a saint for putting up with Person A, or is she stupid for not voicing her concerns?

I am on a volunteer committee for my alma mater and have been frustrated by my fellow Co-President. But I've sat on my concerns the whole year because I've wondered if I was simply being too sensitive. But finally today I emailed the employee at my alma mater who looks after this particular committee to ask for her advice. She just wrote me back saying that my letter deserves a thoughtful reply and that she'll respond after she has had time to think. Now I am regretting sending the email since I really didn't want to make waves... but since I had considered sending similar emails throughout the entire year, it isn't as though I had done something without thinking. Nonetheless, that self-doubting has got me going. I wonder if my tolerance is low... or whether I have been silly for waiting so long to approach the (perceived) conflict. Meanwhile, my significant other would tell me I am "overthinking things." ;-)

It is like waking up in a mental institution: Am I the one with the problem, or is the person who put me there mistaken? How to prove my sanity if presumed that what I say isn't valid? And what if I really do have a problem, but think that I am sane?

(No, I have never awakened in a mental institution... And I really hope I don't end up with Alzheimer's towards the end of my life. I don't want to be confused and forgetful but assume that all my faculties were intact.)

Free Tampons!

2004-05-21T10:59:00.000-04:00

While you are waiting for those Ditties... you can sign up to get free o.b. silk ease tampons!

Barefoot and Pregnant... Again!

2004-05-19T17:37:00.000-04:00

Was watching Discovery Health Channel's "Birth Day"... and one woman was giving birth to twins: her ELEVENTH and TWELFTH children.

Talk about being barefoot and pregnant... ALL THE TIME! This is a woman who certainly has clear priorities.

Now, my grandmother came from a family of seven children, where the mom had seven miscarriages, for a total of 14 pregnancies... but I don't think she would have actually had 14 children had the miscarried pregnancies been carried to term (mainly because that would have eaten up a lot of time.)

And my mother-in-law comes from a family of nine kids...

... but in both these cases from generations before, it is clearly a different time. Women married earlier. Birth control was not available and/or allowed.

This woman on the TV show was about 30. I do not know if any of her previous pregnancies were multiples, but the way the doctors were discussing the condition of her uterus, I think she had at least 8 pregnancies to create those 12 children.

The doctors had to tell her that she MUST not get pregnant again.

I'm thinking... where does she get the time to actually become pregnant with so many children around?

(Now this is a lady who doesn't need tampons.)

Barefoot, Pregnant, and College-Bound?

2004-05-18T21:15:00.000-04:00

While reading Newsweek, I came across an ad in the "distance learning showcase" portion of the magazine. A pregnant woman sits in the corner of an empty room with a laptop over her knees. She has a goofy smile on her face and she is barefoot.

The ad is about earning an online degree... then the url to the "college" doesn't actually work. They had linked a secondary page that I suppose has since been removed; visiting their homepage works, but I find it interesting they had advertised a secondary page. But that isn't the point.

The point is: I am thinking...

- The pregnant woman is sitting on the floor. This is stupid. She cannot get up.

- The pregnant woman is sitting on the floor. Can she not afford furniture, and that is why she needs to obtain a degree online: to afford a better job?

- The woman is clearly close to her due date. Is this the time to be researching online universities? Other priorities come to mind.

- Why worry about education now, when you are about to dedicate your life to a kid? This woman will not be able to start any online program for at least 2-3 months after the baby is born. (Especially if she doesn't have a partner around - because if she did, maybe they could afford furniture.)

OK. So earning a degree online is easier than physical commuting, so I can understand why that might appeal to a stay-at-home-mom. But -again- the timing seems a bit off. Seems to me that she would have either put off having kids until after earning her degree... or would have kids and when they are slightly older, look into higher education, either through a physical university or an online program. But to be researching such programs just a month or so away from giving birth seems simply odd.

Is the faraway look in her eyes the complete wonder she has at the knowledge that she can obtain her degree? Most pregnant women I know only get goofy looks when they are thinking about their baby-to-be. Perhaps the baby was a "mistake," and she was so afraid that she would have to put her education on hold for that... but now she realizes she doesn't have to! Never mind that if she were really that into obtaining an education, she probably would have considered brick and mortar places first. But perhaps I am a snob.

That must be it. I am a snob who is offended that an online college would use a barefoot, pregnant woman in their ad. :)

That said, I fully support and admire those who don't let pregnancy interfere with their education (such as teenagers who continue on to finish high-school and possibly go to college.) It is the whole target-audience of this particular ad that has me a bit confused.

(I once saw a community college ad that said "Where you at? Where you wanna be?" And I thought - terrific, the grammar they teach is impeccable. I want to go to that school. Again, I must be a terrible snob. *UPDATE* It is actually "Where you at? Where you going to?")

Or maybe... Maybe this woman is researching the online university to send her PARTNER to it! But then why online? Oh, I know. Because the partner is so supportive that he/she will stay home to assist with the baby. OK. That makes me feel much better. But then why isn't the partner pictured in the ad, draped over her shoulder, looking wistfully at the computer screen too?

Tampons in Literature: Call Girls and Water Retention

2004-05-17T22:43:00.000-04:00

Looking very pleased with herself, she started emptying a small trash receptacle into a white plastic bag. She scooped up Harry's condom wrapper from the carpet.
"The longer you take to find a place, the more time you have to exploit your thirties," she continued. "Or what's left of them!"
Suddenly, I had an anxious knot in the arch of my foot.
"You need to figure out a strategy." She paused. "When is your period due?"
Is it that obvious?
"Next week," I said. "Maybe sonner." This is a drawback of getting naked on the job. You have no privacy! Your co-workers can actually see the extra pound or so that any normal woman would be able to hide under her business-casual tunic.
"Well, take some dolomite, stay off the salt, and turn that real estate broker into your willing pawn," she advised. "And avoid premenstrual temper tamtrums—you know that's when you're most likely to say something you'll regret. Sound body, sound mind, sound relationship. Or somehing like that."

From Tracy Quan's Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl

Tampons in Literature: The Sisters

2004-05-17T22:15:00.000-04:00

The morning had gotten off to a terrible start. When she'd reached under the bathroom sink for her tampons, she'd found an empty box, bearing only plastic wrappers and the rattling remnants of a single tampon applicator. "Maggie!" she'd yelled. And Maggie, who'd been asleep, had rummaged through her purse and tossed Rose a single Slender Regular by way of consolation. "Where did all my Supers go?" Rose had demanded. Maggie had just shrugged. Rose would have to buy more at the airport, assuming she could shake Simon Stein for long enough . . .
They got to the gate a full forty-five minutes before boarding would commence. Perfect, thought Rose, and dropped her stuff on a chair. "Listen, I'm just going to run to the newsstand," she said, and was relieved when Simon nodded and opened up a copy of ESPN: The Magazine. It was ridiculous, she knew, but she'd never been one of those women who could simply plop a box of Kotex Super Plus on top of her lettuce and turkey breast at the grocery store and stand, unfliching, as some teenage guy scanned her groceries. No indeed. Her tampons had to be purchased at the same CVS, and she'd lurk in the aisles until she could be guaranteed no line and a female clerk. It was no big deal, she knew (and certainly Amy and Maggie had told her), but for some reason she was always embarrassed buying them. Probably because when she got her period, her father had been so completely freaked out he'd left her in the bathroom, bleeding onto wadded-up toilet paper, for three hours, until Sydelle returned from her Jazzercise class with a box of sanitary napkins. Maggie, she'd remembered, had waited patiently on the other side of the door, pumping Rose for information.
"What's going on in there?" she'd asked.
"I've become a woman," Rose had replied from her perch on the edge of the bathtub. "Yay me."

From In Her Shoes, by Jennifer Weiner

I did it!

2004-05-13T18:19:00.001-04:00

I finally won Dittie bowling! Woo-hoo!

I finally realized that the different women have different strength/curve ratios, and I needed to pick a different gal. That helped, but it still took me an embarrassingly long time to win.

I hope I get my free samples soon. I'll be sure to report back on how they are.

Really, dittie bowling is an ingenious marketing technique. I have never played a flash game for that long. If I hadn't been trying to get free stuff, I wouldn't have kept playing long after I got bored with it. I'm sure that, as a new company, they'd love to just give me free samples. However, by making me look at the word "dittie" on the pin clearing machine countless times, they've permanently etched their brand name into my retinas.

Dittie Doo-Dads

2004-05-11T15:02:00.000-04:00

In the business section of my local paper today, there is an article about "Ditties". Seems that a woman living in my (rather affluent) area decided that feminine products were just too "common"-looking ("not one box of tampons, pads or pantiliners had an ounce of style!") and wished to create "the first premium feminine protection."

Visit the site for some laughs... to read the "Dittie Pledge", and participate in other activities! Join the Dittie Sorority! (Personally, I'm still trying to think how Mensie & Friends could work... I like "Mensie" better than "Dittie")

Feel like getting your game on? Throw down at our online Tampon Bowling lanes and win free Dittie tampons delivered to your door!

Dittie is dedicated to kicking taboos to the curb by creating a network of girls and women who are proud to buy, wear and share their Ditties. So spread the vibe, walk with pride and pass your Ditties on!

Truth be told... these Ditties do look pretty stylin'.

The (Sad) State of Women's Health

2004-05-11T13:27:00.000-04:00

State-by-state rankings came out on Friday which show how healthy different states are for women. It's based on things like percentage of women with health insurance, whether or not insurance will cover things like mammograms and Pap smears, access to reproductive medical care, and economic realities such as paid family leave.

The sad thing is, the top eight states (Minnesota, Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Hawaii, Colorado, and Utah) only got a grade of "satisfactory minus." The best we can do is not quite satisfactory? Then you've got 37 unsatisfactory states, and six states that are abysmal (Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, West Virginia, Oklahoma, and Texas). (Yes, that does add up to 51—they're including D.C.)

How do we as a country compare? I mean, I'm happy to live in the U.S. as compared to, say, a country where female circumcision or marriage for 9-year-olds is commonplace, but compared to the rest of the western industrialized world? Countries with universal health care?

Interestingly, yesterday Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry declared this week to be National Women's Health Week in Oklahoma. (How can you declare a national event to be taking place in your state? I declare that today is Tuesday in the not-so-fresh household! And later this month, I declare that it will be Memorial Day in my state!) According to the Okla. State Dept. of Health, "Women spend so much time taking care of others that they sometimes neglect to take care of themselves." Oh, that's what's wrong with health care in Oklahoma! It's not access to insurance or contraceptives, it's those selfless Oklahoman women nurturing themselves to death! The OSDH is making available a tip sheet for women, which includes advice such as eat vegetables, wear sunscreen, get a bone density screening by age 50, get a mammogram, and get a Pap smear. And who, pray tell, is going to pay for that Pap smear?

The personal is still political

2004-05-07T15:48:00.000-04:00

Were you starting to doubt it?
Read about Teresa Heinz Kerry's near-abortion experience.
To me, she is the bravest woman in US politics for the way she is handling this.
(via Fark)